I don't disagree.... and I do think some consideration should be made for the LBS who is forced to pay when they had no say in their marriage ending.
I think though the one thing that is very difficult to understand is all the particulars. Sure, it sounds like I made out good and I did. But lots was behind that. My H spent 30K or OUR money on his affair w/o me knowing in ONE summer. My H took our only car w/o any legal agreement in place leaving me stranded w/o transportation when I was very ill. My H moved twice w/o telling me. Some of what he owes me now is merely him repaying the money he took from US that was spent on OW.
My H also ignored a court order for us to come up with an agreement and took off on vacation with his GF (that her brother paid for btw) and let me know 12 hours before he left. And he left me to clean up THAT mess with my attny and the court.
Sometimes it does appear that one takes someone for all they are worth but often times there is LOTS behind that.
I agree... anybody can do anything but sometimes if one spouse has made less it does take a while for them to catch up. WAS rarely consider things like that when they bail. Had they ended the marriage in a different way maybe better plans could have been made.
All great points City. Your H was a real *ick! Sorry that he treated you that way. To put it in your face like that without even the slightest bit of empathy smells to me like a sociopath. Not all guys are like that.
I also agree that the LBS needs time to catch and be able to afford to live on her/his own.
Seems you and I see eye to eye on this subject.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
OK real quick. I am pretty well versed on my states laws from the first L i met with. I'm in a no fault state. Can't file until 1 year separation. I could go the court route now and get temp custody hearings, which would have her served, or go to mediation and work out an arrangement before then between her and I. She's been very liberal with me seeing S4 so far. If that changes I know what to do. Also, child wasn't born out of wedlock, but we married in Feb and S4 was born in July.
My state does recognize short term marriages. We've only been married 4 years, 5 by the time the D is final if it goes. The L advised me that I would have to pay $500-1000 every month for up to 2.5 years, half the duration of the M. My MC told me the same independently.
From previous discussions when we tried to work it all out on our own, W wants 6-8 years of alimony, in the $300-700 range I think. I told her I would just rather pay a larger amount for a shorter amount of time. She didn't want that because "support would be ripped out from under me before I finish school". She has no clue that 2.5 years will be THE standard. She's in for a shock at mediation. A real big one.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Isn't that what I said - support is short - 2.5 years (I said two based on a four year marriage). I don't find the amount of support unreasonable considering your W is not educated and has been out of the workforce for 4-5 years.
That is why you (general you) don't discuss support with a WAS who made the decision to walk away w/o knowing the particulars. When she invests 12 years in a marriage then she can get 6 years of support. Talking with somebody who bases their information on what they want instead the scope of the law is a waste.
It doesn't really matter what you would rather do. No judge in their right mind will award a 4 year marriage with a healthy spouse 6-8 yrs of spousal support. So offering to pay a large amount for a shorter time was not smart! You offer to pay LESS for even shorter than what she *might* get. Never start at your ceiling going in. It's negotiating 101.
It doesn't really matter what you would rather do. No judge in their right mind will award a 4 year marriage with a healthy spouse 6-8 yrs of spousal support. So offering to pay a large amount for a shorter time was not smart! You offer to pay LESS for even shorter than what she *might* get. Never start at your ceiling going in. It's negotiating 101.
Trust me, I negotiate daily in my job. I offered her my bottom for 2.5 years. She went crazy and said she deserved more years. I'm pretty sure I'm in the power seat when it comes to spousal support. She has this stupid idea in her head I owe her for years and years.
I also want to add that she plays the emotional blackmail when it comes to spousal support - "How could I ever be with a man who wants to only support his W who stayed home for their entire marriage for only 2.5 years? That's not the person I want to be with, you don't value or respect me."
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
John EVERY state recognizes short term marriages. What I said was you are in a better place to have to offer her less because you do have a short term marriage. I did not say it would not be recognized. Every legal marriage is recognized no matter what the length. Settlements are more complex once the marriage becomes vintage.
Just because she might be ABLE to get 2.5 years it doesn't mean she will. Hell, she might get six months if you play your cards right and cross over one area of the settlement to assist you with another line item.
Your W goes crazy when the wind blows the wrong way. I am actually curious why you even spoke to her about it?
"How could I ever be with a man who wants to only support his W who stayed home for their entire marriage for only 2.5 years?
This is too easy:
"More importantly, how could I want to be married to somebody who cheats and wants to divorce me and expects me to continue supporting her indefintely. Guess I am lucky finding out now.".
Dude, I find that crap very unattractive. But, hey! That's just me.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/27/1007:57 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
That is why you don't talk to her about the assets. Your W knows how to manipulate you.
I mean, why would you *want* to be with a woman with no education and nothing to offer you other than childcare? Hell, you can hire somebody to do that. And while I don't suggest you EVER say that I typed it to illustrate a point. When you hit below the belt to "get your way" it never ends well and your W keeps on hitting. Expect lots of tears in mediation.... she won't like somebody telling her to behave.
