I am new to this section of the board, I have been in the newcomers section for the past year.
Some background info about my sitch:
Bomb dropped 8/21/09. Worked hard on myself and tried to save M.
Finally detached nine months in and was a much happier person. Ask W in May during a meeting to divide asset if she wanted a D, and if she thought is was the best thing for us. She answered both with a yes.
I totally moved on and didn't care about what she did.
I started to see OW and date, continued to work out and GAL.
I made all the arrangements to move forward with D. House and other items. Proposed numbers to her weeks ago and had to follow up with her again to get things rolling.
So after I asked her to meet with the mediator and I wanted to move forward with D, I get a call from her asking me if we could talk.
We will meet Saturday.
NOW. I have a funny feeling she is going to reach out to me and talk about M. Not sure but it's a possibility.
My concerns are now that I have completely detached from her how would we began to reconcile if I wanted to??
I think about our friends and family being a major problem. Among other things.
I'm not there yet andit may not happen but I'm looking for some insight here. thanks, gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
All i can do is repeat previous advice from puppy;
Ask nothing, Expect nothing
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
My concerns are now that I have completely detached from her how would we began to reconcile if I wanted to??
Will.
When Coach and I started put things back together, he was knee deep in the detachment process and I, of course, was the walk-away so we all know that I was detached. It was Will on my part, after making the decision with Coach to reconcile to tie my life back to his life. And he gave me GREAT advice - he told me that it would take one month per every year we were married to heal our R. So I was aware of the need to be patient with him and with myself. He has been patient, as well. Reconciliation is not for wimps. Attitude is EVERYTHING.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I know ultimately the people around me will have to accept my decision if I choose to bring my W back into my life.
I have remained in good standings with her family so that wont be an issue.
The issue wold be my family and friends.
Also I do not like her friends and one in particular stands out.
Tough stuff ahead.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
In my experience so far, the family of the WAS is almost always right there like nothing ever happened. They are glad to the bulk of the nonsense over with and that you have taken the initiative to want to still be with their wounded bird.
The family of the LBS, well, again in my experience, are not so thrilled about the one who wounded their bird back in the mix of things. For mine, at first, everybody was excited of the concept . Then when they saw it was reality, all hell broke loose, litteraly in an instant and the damage seems forever done. Now, certain members of my family can hold a grudge for ions. So can I.
Friends seem to work much in the same as the LBS' family, with a twist. At first everybody is wowed by the fact the couple is back together, "we knew you guys could make it out". The good friends will realize there is still work to be done between you two and keep distant as not only are arguements abound, but this time is more about the two of you rebuilding the foundation of your relationship. The bad friends will be none other than selfish. "Well, hey, you're back together, why can't we all hang out like we did all the time" and / or just become disgusted (often times jealous) that through the worst moment in your individual lives you both found the potential best in a relationship with each other. If bad enough, you may find yourself right back in the situation of a "catalyst" friend who is trying to sabotage your efforts.
To answer your intial question on how to begin to reconcille:
Get it all out on the table, with NO ill feelings at each other and NO finger pointing.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I know at the end of the day it will just be me and my W (&kids) lying down to sleep.
As long as The two of us can work through it, it doesn't matter what others think. Everyone has their own issues.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
My wife worries that my side of the family will always "hate her." I know that's not true, but she needs to deal with it. All I can do is show her that I love her, and that while I appreciate my family caring about me, she married me, not them.
