You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting night out. Made it to the Karaoke bar with a former co-worker. She has a friend I really, really, really want to ask out when the D is done, but I'm playing it cool.

The bar was filled with a lot of 20 somethings and 30 somethings. There was a bachelorette party and a birthday party.

I felt old and not all that confident. I try to tell myself I can't force things.

Around 11 p.m. the former co-worker headed home and I headed across town to see band_38. This is the former neighbor who I slow danced with this summer. It was her 20th class reunion and she said a lot of people from her class would be out at this one bar.

There were just a few there and band_38 looked awful. She looked tired and mad. She was having a rough night. I haven't seen her in several weeks and it turns out she started dating the drummer from the band. This guy is dumpy looking, but she's a band groupie. He insisted she leave the reunion to come watch him play and she was mad.

So now I find myself in the middle of this drama. I talked to her for a few minutes. She insisted she was fine and I should go talk to some other of her old classmates.

I smiled and said that's good and told her I'd call her. Then I found a door and headed home. This just wasn't a place for me.

[smith18]

You are not old. Just wiser.

It is good that you recognized trouble (band_38) and left.

PS. I never liked the night club and bar scene. But I am a bit of an introvert and the noise and crowded environment is not my thing.

Stick with your divorce groups for now. Eventually you will heal and move on to bigger and better things.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. The bar scene really is just to pass the time. If I have a better option, I take it.

I will say I met STBXW (after college) at a bar. But I already knew her from high school.

My church growth group starts again in October. Church_31 is running it now and she's really excited so it'll be around for a couple more years. She said we'll have six new people in October.

That's Thursday nights.

The basketball games start up in December. So I'll be working lots of Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays.

I'm going to more business networking events. These are good places to meet people.

[faithisbelieving]

CTH:

Just because you may be divorced one day, does NOT mean that you have to have some funny friendly relationship with XW. Stop planning it or thinking about it. As Yoda says, just 'do'.

What really counts is that you maintain FIRST AND FOREMOST a solid business relationship with your STBXW so that the financial aspects and parenting plan for this ending M is in place. TIME....will dictate how you choose to relate with your X.

The other key thing is how your GIRLS see YOU react and relate to your X. They will either see strength or not. Leadership is what counts now, not LEADING your X but YOURSELF and your LIFE. Choose a higher stronger road when you must relate to her in front of them.

When this is done, and life begins to return to normal, your inner core beliefs will direct you to the best place that works for you and X. Allow your 'innercoremanometer' reset itself using your new tools.

I once read here that one XH would go on vacations with his XW and her OM/H. That is WAY off kilter for me and, perhaps, really isn't good at all, but, if I recall, it was a chance for him to be with his kids. What is one man's food is another man's poison.

Finally, when I was a young man, after a breakup, my mother would say to me, "there's nothing deader than a dead romance". I thought I could beat that when I first got here. Know something? Parents know a lot.....a HELLUVA lot. Embrace change and new life. And, like you, I miss my kids terribly when I don't have them. They are young now and one day they will prefer NOT to be with us. Use the time now to stay in a good way with GAL and getting life done.

Supporting you.

FIB

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks FIB. Funny thing, the sermon today at church was on leadership. I will keep trying to do better around STBXW when I see her. I will though keep trying not to see her. I just want as separate a life as possible while I regroup.

It's like a poker game. When you have a weak hand, fold and wait for a better one. I feel like I have an 8 and 3 offsuit right now. Someday, someday soon I'll have jacks or better.

I'm looking forward to settling this thing up. If I get the settlement I'll be in much better position than I am today and today isn't so bad.

[soleil]

Regarding poker... Sometimes you get dealt a crappy hand but you still have to play it... Just go with it.

Sounds like you have an exciting and busy autumn planned

[ClingingToHope]

Call from STBXW. D11 is sick and STBXW can't leave work ... so I may be leaving soon.

As soon as I hear her voice ... the joy is sucked out of me. Long ways to go.

[soleil]

LOL. Maybe you can start channeling that joy-suckage into anger. I honestly think when people hit hte "anger"-phase that things start looking up. Beats being unhappy all the time, right?

[Drew]

A wise man once told me to make sure to use your anger as your shield not your sword.

[ClingingToHope]

Nice one Drew. I like that one.

Well ... trepidation time. I've been invited to a surprise birthday party for this billionaire developer in town. He's going through a D as well and we've met and compared notes. I would consider him a friend.

It's Saturday night and I asked if I could take D11. They said no. No kids.

I just planned on going myself, but a coworker said I should bring a date. It's a perfect event to invite someone to because it's at his mansion, which very, very, very few people have been to.

So ... I took a leap of faith and sent a message to someone asking if they'd like to go. It might be a wussy way to do it ... but hey baby steps.

If she turns me down there's a lady from my church growth group that I'll see tomorrow and perhaps I'll ask her.