Need Advice from the Experienced Folks on WAW

[GH3421]

We were supposed to to go to MC today but I ended up rescheduling the appointment. My W sees an IC—she has a history of depression and anxiety disorder—and she was supposed to see her therapist last week to talk through some of her issues.. That appointment ended up being cancelled due to her therapist being sick. I was in the house when she got the call and my W broke down and started sobbing. I did what was a 180 for me, a got up and held her while she cried. Seems like a small thing but it was a big deal for me. Part of what I'm going to IC for right now is to deal with how I handle intimacy and my own emotions. 6 months ago, I probably would have sat there and tried to verbally lend support. She ended up talking to her therapist by phone last Friday. The only thing she shared with me is that her therapist says she sounds ambivalent and shouldn't rush into any decisions. So W and I are officially in limbo world. At the moment we are likely to still be living together at least through the beginning of January although we are basically roomates.

Her anger and resentment towards me is palpable; she has every right to be based on my past behavior and emotional unavailability. I get verbal barbs from her daily about such as "the new me", "father of the year", "you'll be quit a catch for your next wife", etc. I've put up with these comments for about two weeks but on Friday night I called her out on her behavior and asked her to stop it when she made a comment in front of our son that I thought was inappropriate. When I step back from the situation this is her doubt about my 180 behaviors. She keeps waiting for the old me to reappear and she can't understand how someone can so rapidly change in the space of several months. Frankly it's not so hard once you stop being angry all the time which I was. Once you let go of the all the anger the real work on yourself can begin. I also think this is her fear talking. Fear of opening herself up to me again and letting me in. Fear of the unknown. Fear that if the changes I'm making are real, is she throwing away the chance at having a really good marriage for the next 40 years.

Despite all the negativity from my W, there are positive things to go on in my life. I've renewed my passion for photography and am looking forward to a 10 day trip out West next month. I'm training for a half-marathon at the end of October. I'm looking into joining Toastmasters. My relationship with my son gets better each day. I'm not so afraid of her leaving anymore .