cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

An up and down weekend. H, S and I went to the ND game and it was all fun, but at the same time hard. H and I get along really really well. Talking is easy. It is all just easy because we really do get along. I don't hate him. I just hate what he has done to us. I really think the only thing I need to completely heal is to know why.

Hanging out and watching S enjoy himself was great. I am really proud about my decision to be friendly with H because it show with S. S is so well adjusted about the whole sitch so that helps me to keep doing what I am doing. Also I find myself being free to be me because I am not bogged down by a lot of anger, bitterness, resentment,etc. It is really a freeing feeling.

The down side is I still don't understand why H doesn't want to be with me when we get along so well. I also want to know why he is so involved now. He hasn't been involved for 16 months, but now the last two months he is all about helping and buying stuff. It is just weird.

Also it was alumni weekend so a lot of his band buddies were there, but he never once introduced me or S. I am fine with me, but he never once introduced S to anyone. It was really sad, and another wanting to know why.

Lastly, I found out that the trip that the postcard was about was H taking OW to Disney World. This is the part that hurts and I am still very upset and sad about. We always talked about going to Disney for our honeymoon, but H never once took me anywhere and we didn't have a honeymoon. To top it all off, he was MIA for Father's Day. Telling me he didn't want to be celebrated and that he was at "rehab". Guess what? He was at Disney over Father's Day. How nice skipping out on his own son for OW. Once again how OW is more important than S. I am hurt by the fact that H never took me anywhere and super upset that H went over Father's Day.

The conflict for me is that since that time, H has been a different person. I don't know what happened, but a week later he started doing every other weekend with S and now is buying expensive gifts and trying to be really nice. I just don't get it. What happened?

Then last night we had a "moment". H text me about the show Amazing Race because we always watched that together. He asked me if I would want to race with him (really? we are getting D'd). I answered honestly that I would race with him because we get along so well now and we are opposites so where I excel he is weak and where I am weak he excels. A perfect team. I am very analytical and he has so much random knowledge that we could be a good team. He responded how I said I wouldn't in past years because we would be one of those couples that argued all the time. I said yes in the past we would have, but now I am more laid back and wouldn't get upset about the small stuff.

It was overall a very strange weekend. I know H and I will never get back together because H hasn't changed at all, but I also think the R between us will never be dead because we do belong together. I don't see myself with anyone else, which is fine because I am perfectly happy being single.

The weekend ended well hanging out with friends and laughing a ton.