Seperated.i'm a young couple. What to do?

[SpinFree]

*good* DB'ing snipped

last we he asked if he could come by and see Iowa (our dog), i agreed... of course nervous on the day, and worried if we would start arguing. But it turned out to be a fun filled day hanging with the dog at the park, stil no talk of the R.

Now today he asked to come over to see the dog, and said if i wanted to catch a movie. I aggreed, happy inside but didnt want to sound too estatic. He told me how much he regreted making the harsh decisions he made and that he understood how much i meant to him. He said that after my holiday at the end of the year, that we should go to marriage counselling. I was taken back, he was always against it.

I knew i shouldnt have asked, but i had to ask if he had hooked up with anyone in the 3 months.Even though we were seperated he was entitled to do what he pleased.

Did he mess up? Or did you?
You indicate that it was OK for him to see other people.
You knew you wouldn't be able to hear the results.
You asked anyway.
Do you really want this relationship or were you finding a way to torpedo the process?

He said he kissed two different girls, both girls he swapped numbers met out again. Nothing ever happened but kisses. He said he stopped msging the last girl, cause he knew he wanted to be with me.

I sent him a long email of how i felt , and how i felt betrayed..and how i couldnt understand how can u love someone but stil look astray? I just dont get it?

am i overreacting guys??? should i just let go cause we are seperated??

I'm just so hurt, cause he cheated in the past..and it was only 6 months ago we renewd our vows, 3 months of seperation and he has already kissed 2 girls.

the email i sent was pretty harsh..i was trying to control my emotions..and i pretty much implied i dont want to work on this marriage.

Im stuck in whether i want this to work or not??

You were separated.
He chose you.
He had other options.
He chose you.

Set your personal boundaries on what your new marriage will look like. (transparency, counseling, integrity, affection, etc.) If he is willing to work on your marriage within your personal boundaries, why wouldn't you want to work on it? If he isn't, why would you?

SpinFree

[asher]

LH,
I agree with SpinFree
He was honest with you, which is what you wanted.
You have to decide if you can forgive, I see the same pattern emerging you had in your 'old' marriage.
Are you going to be able to forgive and let go of the past? That's the only way you are going to make your marriage work, if you want it.

[lovehurts2]

Did he mess up? Or did you?
You indicate that it was OK for him to see other people.
You knew you wouldn't be able to hear the results.
You asked anyway.
Do you really want this relationship or were you finding a way to torpedo the process?


You were separated.
He chose you.
He had other options.
He chose you.

Set your personal boundaries on what your new marriage will look like. (transparency, counseling, integrity, affection, etc.) If he is willing to work on your marriage within your personal boundaries, why wouldn't you want to work on it? If he isn't, why would you?

SpinFree

hey Spin Free..

-In the relationship he messed up, he had previously cheated before we actually got engaged. Ive been a 100% faithful.

- yes i did indicate it was ok to see people...we were seperated..and he said it meant being single.so i was fully aware.

- yes i stil asked. Maybe its just me being a girl, but i need to know everything.

- I do want this relationship...i want to save it... but if i didnt know what he has been doing.. curiosity would just kill me. Its something i need to learn..and that some things are best untold or known.

Ur right i need to look at the bigger picture, he did end up choosing me. I just have to remind myself. U've given me lots to think about, thank you so much for ur input

[lovehurts2]

LH,

Are you going to be able to forgive and let go of the past? That's the only way you are going to make your marriage work, if you want it.

Hey asher... i want to forgive and forget...but it so much easier said than done. Especially ive been burned alot before. I'm trying really hard to put it behind me, since he now wants to consider counselling.

Your defintely right, if i want this to work than I need to be true to myself..and really push the past behind me and focus on the small positive steps.

[lovehurts2]

ahhh what a long day....

last couple of days i've been msging H first... i think i should stop... because the more interested i seem or intiate things, the more he steps back. So hard, cause i anticapte him msging and calling and when he doesnt i start thinking.. "why hasnt he contacted" i should just relax and breathe.

[~¤DG¤~]

LH2,

I am caught up now on your sitch, thanks for the link.

How are things going for you now?

[lovehurts2]

Hi DG,

Thanks for reading up on my sitch

How am I feeling? Like my whole world has tumbled down .

It's game over. If u look at my new thread, u can read to see how C went and why I quit.