Hi Kalni thanks for stopping by That sinking feeling of OW gets stronger and stronger by the day, and I almost wish i had concrete proof, because then I could get 'unstuck' from this awful limbo state. I sometimes feel like if he already had his fling, and hes out of it now, that i would be able to get past it and forgive him, and there would be a chance from my side of continuing to 'stand'.
BUT, if he was currently in a R with an OW, for some reason I feel very differently, and would not let him back I dont think. I have NO IDEA why theres a difference there for me, there just is
Then I would stop 'standing' and stop being in limbo.
I feel I am moving forward slowly with MY life, but as far as US, I am in limbo.
If there is an OW, he sees her on his business trips. There is no way I would know unless he told me. And I know he knows it would hurt me too much, and he's terrified of hurting me.
So all I can do is let time do its thing, and slowly naturally disconnect from our R. But I guess i just dont have the patience for this slow healing. i want to heal NOW. Impatient me.
I AM scared of pushing him away. I think I might feel different if I knew there was an OW. Then I wouldnt be scared anymore.
But if he has already let go of OW, and he just doesnt know how to get back to me, I really don't want to scare him off at this point. I do still love him.
I do also know that I want to be loved and cherished by the person that I love, I expect the same amount of love back that I'm willing to give. Which is a lot.
The old H, could do that, the new H is new, so I dont know if he could
I just wish i knew exactly what was going on in his head.
thanks for stopping by 
