Achieving a balance and when do you walk away?

[steady]

bklynt,

Good to see you met up with some of the NMMNG guys. I drove down to NJ last Sunday and hung out with that group for a few hours. It was a really good experience for me. I'll definitely be doing it again.

Glad to see you feel calmer. It's a roller coaster ride. I can't tell you if the dinner thing was a good decision or bad one. I don't think anyone really can. I feel as long as you aren't pursuing when she doesn't want to be pursued then it's fine. It's determining that which is the problem.

You'll know where it's coming from when you get ready to go out with her and you're there. If you don't have an investment on how things go then you'll be good to go. But there will be a part of you that wants it to go great(Who wouldn't). Just make sure you're not in a mindset of somehow 'doing something' to impress her. Don't talk about your changes at all. Never talk about them. Let your actions speak for themselves.

I think a mistake made here too often is being too passive in the sitch. I know it's a mistake I made and if I could do it all over again I would have approached it a lot differently.

Look at everything as an event. If you guys go out to dinner and have a great time, it's just an event at that point in time. Don't take it and somehow project it forward as a foreshadowing of things to come. Same thing if it doesn't go well. Single events rarely make or break a situation.

On the boundaries thing - you may not need any at all. If you're being disrespected or treated like a doormat then you need to set boundaries to protect yourself from that behavior.

The boundaries are to keep yourself in a healthy state and to protect yourself. If she isn't crossing into you and abusing you then no boundaries are needed. It's that simple. If there is an OM then a boundary is needed. That's disrespectful behavior toward you. Setting a boundary in this case will show you have enough self respect and confidence in yourself you will not tolerate anyone treating you that way.

We'll see if anyone else wants to chime in on this.