I read NMMNG in a day. There was lots that resonated in the book and I'm going to read it again and start doing the tasks. It just so happened there was a support group today in my area which I went to which is something I normally wouldn't do but was good to go outside my comfort zone. Lots to work on. Someone else had recommended it originally but thx for the reinforcement.
I've played tons of mind debates with myself on asking her to dinner on whether it was the right thing or not. She demonstrated second guessing about asking for a separation but wasn't sure about her feelings. The feelings / actions / and thoughts that led to our separation would not have asked her out and would have passively / passive aggressively sat back and waited for things to get better. In a sense this is a 180 from that but I realize and question whether or not I am using that to justify asking her out. I did do every single thing it says not to in the LRT initially after our separation. This time doesn't feel desperate. Whether it's right or not, I don't know. But I am calmer (momentarily potentially) then I have been in awhile.
Ultimately I am looking at this as the scientific method. If she shuts down - I pull way back. If it goes well - I pull back a little less. I know from DBing not to pursue and from NMMNG not to seek any kind of reassurance. No talk of us. No talk of the future.
I would like to find some way to set a boundary or boundaries if possible but am having a difficult time coming up with some. Thinking on that one. Even small steps / boundaries to start. Anybody got any ones they started out with?
