Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

I think I've figured out how to get the power back for me. Not for the situation, but for me.

She said on the phone last night "I do not want to speak to you anymore about personal matters. I will talk to you in mediation." Which is 2 weeks away. Today when we talked she was all about the same "personal matters" and she "needed to build walls to protect herself. Stuff I didn't prompt but just validated. She says she won't say ILY because she is afraid to be hurt again. I just validated. And she knows that's a big one for me, because I do say ILY very often to her - always have.

So by the end of the call she says ILY. Hmm. wtf. This happened twice on two separate calls today, and it wasn't habit in the way she said it.

I'm thinking next time I see her I'll just say, "The other night you said you wanted just to talk in mediation only from now on. That is something I want to do."

Not quite yet though, I have to let her come crawling back like she always does first to have that power again for myself to feel like it is my decision to go NC.

Oh and by the way, I took down all the family photos and pictures of her along with her family in our house last night. Felt awkwardly good. They're in boxes now.