New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

I called the boys this evening to chit chat as always. They are doing well. I'll see them in about a week. W knows about it. She just said it is still a school week so I will probably be able to link up with the boys in the evening, at least during school days. It still should be a lot of fun!

I also talked with W and told her I was starting the process of leaving active duty. I explained to her what I needed to settle before leaving CO. I asked her which furniture item and other odds and ends she wants to have sent to her parents, etc...

Then I brought up the issue of divorce. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did. Michelle, you talked about ways to shake up the status quo. Well, I mentioned divorce this evening by telling W that she can go ahead and file when she's ready so I can close out this chapter and move on. W didn't say a word when I said that. She didn't even approve or disapprove. No reaction from her at all. She remained silent.

I basically was sending the message that if she wants to do the D, that's all right with me. Maybe this is how I am shaking the status quo in my own way: I seem to have made peace with the idea that W may never reconcile/come back. My priority is to maintain my strong ties with the boys. I even told W I may not be able to send my monthly financial support when I get closer to leaving active duty. I told her there would likely be a gap in financial support until I have a new job. She said that's OK. She really didn't make a big fuss about it. I am surprised.

Anyway. I don't know what tonight's exchange will bring. I think I am at peace with not being with W anymore if she doesn't want me. I will rejoice if she tells me she wants to be together again. In the meantime, if it won't happen, I am at peace with that too. I think I made my changes. I have shown W I changed. She knows how I feel about her. I have been honorable in my dealings with her. I am faithful and don't have a girlfriend on the side. I am honorable in every way.

I also think I am tired emotionally. It drained me. I love my W, don't get me wrong. But if it's not reciprocal, I won't stand in the way. I think that's my mindframe this evening.

JR