So we've had no contact for a few days. Last night I sent him a message on skype to tell him that I had spoken to SIL and she was happy to meet up with him (as requested by him last week). He replied ok, thanks. End of conversation. Tomorrow is our regular weekly dinner. Wondering if he'll opt out. At the stage where that might actually suit me better!
I will say that NC certainly has its benefits.........detachment and so much more space in my head!
Sometime after we split H started training in an alternative career. It's taken a long time to get it off the ground. This morning when I emailed to ask what the arrangements were for D this week H skyped back. He said he was reassessing his career choice and we skyped a few messages back and forth. I sensed he was tense so got off there quickly.
He rang me this afternoon after something he believes he left here. I said he took it when he left and it went down hill from there. As I look back, I realise he was looking for a disagreement. I tried to keep it on track but I'm only human! Bottom line is he hung up on me. Can't even say what it was all about...a big, jumbled mess is all. Anyway, I think it was his way of bailing out of the situation cos once again he's let himself get too close. So NC is on whether I like it or not!!
I did say that something would happen in the next weeks to give me an answer of how I should be responding to him.
Guess I won't put another steak on for dinner tomorrow night!!
At times like this I am always surprised at how emotional I feel. It is SO hard when the MLCer "touches and goes". Please feel free to vent here. I have also found prayer to be very helpful in going through these ups and downs. If you believe in a higher power, prayer is communication with him/her. If you don't believe in a higher power, prayer is still cathartic and helps to clear your thoughts.
Remember, this is not about YOU. The MLCer has unresolved issues from their past that impairs their ability to constructively work through the normal conflicts that occur in every R. You have done VERY well to bring H back to this point.
Baby steps and patience.
GAG
Last edited by goodattitudegirl; 09/28/1002:55 AM.
Well, maybe yesterday was just a blip as H is in fine form today. He had worked 13 days straight and was reassessing his work so perhaps that was enough to get him uptight. He's put a lot of time and money into the career change so I can understand him feeling a bit down about it. I didn't handle it with my best DB either...think it just caught me off guard.
H came by this morning and helped me sort and tidy the garage as well as the back garden and pool area. What a bonus that was! I was prepared to risk my resolve of NC just for that help. I like the place clean and tidy but I'm not a fan of actually doing it and H is very organised and methodical. We did a big de-clutter of S's stuff (car and sports stuff) and H took some things home and then took another big load to the tip and the op shop. The garage and the garden looks wonderful!
Needless to say H's LL is AoS. Mine is QT so I guess we were both happy this morning.
As H was finishing I raced to the shower and off to lunch with my SIL. Perfect timing really. As I left I thanked him and he said, "No problem. See you tonight" Guess I need that steak after all.
So perhaps yesterday really was just a bad day. There was no sign of it today. Had lunch with my gf yesterday and she says H isn't ready to let go so I should do it for him so that I can move from this limbo. I know, I know........ heard it all before. There is something to what she said......I can't seem to move on and it seems he's not much different. This willingness to help and share information is a new stage but it is a lot more consistent than ever before.
GAG, you're right about the prayers. Prayer and meditation are important and bring me peace. I did get fairly caught up in the emotion of it all as I've been trying so hard not to pressure and to get things right. Anyway, hopefully it's back on track and I will be super careful that I keep a low profile for the rest of the week (unless he offers to start on the inside of the house!!!!)
As I type, D says H is back to fix the gate! Better get off here.
So H came to fix the gate. Then H, D and I went to the hardware and bought up some bits and pieces to do some more jobs around the house, went to a blind shop and then to the library. I got a whole bunch of stuff for my niece and nephew as I'm babysitting them tomorrow. Wish me luck!!
We came home and H fixed some stuff while I got dinner. After dinner we all sat around and chatted. It was the most relaxed and chatty I have seen H in a long time. He told us all about his decision to abandon his new work and to look for work in his original career.
I'm not sure how this eventuated, but on Friday the three of us are going for a drive and to lunch.
Hi Punkin, I think today was a bonus cos of the horrible times I've had since last Tuesday. It shows you that you should really have no expectations at any time. My analytical mind can get me into trouble!
I understand how you are feeling about H's lack of contact. I've been there and done that!! Hey, it's still on the cards! We all know he could have a change of heart before Friday.
Thinking of you and hoping the GAL is helping you to become stronger. Take care,
