I honestly do not know what if anything, I can do. He doesn't even seem to care that he is losing his wife.
Jennifer, It sounds to me like he does care. He's just in so deep he can't see the forest through the trees. He hasn't faced his issues from within and it still keeps him spinning. That's why he still blames you indirectly for the problems.
Hopefully he's got a good IC that can help him to face and work out those issues.
There really is nothing you can do to fix this for him. It's all got to come from himself. It sounds as though he may be starting to realize they are his issues.
Step back off the rollercoaster. It's going to take time and patience on your part to let your H finish his journey, but it has to be done by himself.
When he's through, he may come looking for you and then you'll have some decisions to make.
