It's not good. He's the one who is supposed to be going dim but upbeat and firmly resolved.
She's taking the lead again and the going dim and de-personalizing things from the sound of it.
Exactly. Exactly that. She's treating me like a stranger. She's just plain acting cold - she's never done this before ever. I don't feel like I'm in control anymore.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
What happened to the advice that you can't control another person. Why does he have to change the way she treats him in reaction to the way he treats her? Why can't he just do what he does because it is the best thing for him to do and ignore her response to it? I thought the problem here was the manipulation and the reacting to her.
John needs to go dark for John, if it helps him save his marriage then count that as a plus. One thing is for sure what he's been doing is not working. Also when he goes dark he needs to stay dark, going dark for 1 day don't count.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
What happened to the advice that you can't control another person.
You can't control another person.
Quote:
Why does he have to change the way she treats him in reaction to the way he treats her?
This makes no sense.
What we are advising him to do is take the lead of his own life and stop looking to his wife for how to conduct himself.
She takes the lead because he allows her to lead HIM. He has control of HIM.
He's complaining that she's going dim and "cold", but how would he know this if he had gone dim, friendly but resolved and only talking about logistics and child stuff?
He knows this because he didn't do it, right? She's taking the lead because he didn't do it and stick to it.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
So, she said that she doesn't want to talk to me about anything personal anymore. Just call her about our son or if I have a question. She's trying to take control of the sitch by being cold, distant and treating me like a stranger.
Good. Now go dark and adhere to that: only talk to eachother about your son and legal stuff.
It's all really simple.
You already know what she is capable of. Get a L stat.
