Hi guys, it's SBH here... AKA Johns wife... AKA John...
John, fill us in on the drama of last night... We all know that there WAS a text, an email, a visit... Maybe you "ML" or as she likes to call it, "suckered you in"...
We are still here to help John. Still on your side...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Hi guys, it's SBH here... AKA Johns wife... AKA John...
John, fill us in on the drama of last night... We all know that there WAS a text, an email, a visit... Maybe you "ML" or as she likes to call it, "suckered you in"...
We are still here to help John. Still on your side...
I didn't call her back or text or anything. She left me a VM and a text that said she didn't understand what was going on anymore and she was sad.
Today when she dropped our son off with me she was super cold, wouldn't come in the house. Oh well.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Sounds just right. Let her be sad. Let her know what it feels like to not have you there. To not support her in her sadness. She still thinks it's your job to be there for her. But that's NOT your job. Your job is to be there for YOU and s4.
Stay dark! Take the lead... She will try to take the lead from you. She wants control. Don't let her have it. Always stay calm and confident.
Good luck today!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Sounds just right. Let her be sad. Let her know what it feels like to not have you there. To not support her in her sadness. She still thinks it's your job to be there for her. But that's NOT your job. Your job is to be there for YOU and s4.
Stay dark! Take the lead... She will try to take the lead from you. She wants control. Don't let her have it. Always stay calm and confident.
Good luck today!
I had to talk to her just now. She's not sad. She's angry. She thinks I'm being an SOB for treating her like that. So, she said that she doesn't want to talk to me about anything personal anymore. Just call her about our son or if I have a question. She's trying to take control of the sitch by being cold, distant and treating me like a stranger.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Just stay confident! These are the times when I've seen you falter. You try and contact her cause you feel lost. Cause your looking for validation. Cause your looking for attention from her (even negative attention).
Go to a movie tonight or to the gym. This is where she WILL gain respect for you IF you show her that you don't NEED that validation from HER.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
You didn't have to talk to her. You chose to talk to her.
A temporary custody arrangement (which should have been done and filed the first Monday after Retro) would eliminate all these unnecessary talks and texts.
Since that didn't happen there are other ways to NOT talk to your W even when it involves your son. You could hire an e-mail intermediary service that acts as a go between when 2 spouses are divorcing.
It doesn't matter if she is refusing to come in the house because she should not be at the house anyways.
Joking around on a thread is fine but at this point somebody needs to tell you flat out to stop. If you want to attempt to have a decent co-parenting R with your W until your son turns 18 then quit the drama. The *only* thing you *have* to do is be there for your son. And being there for you son does not include you talking to your W for ANY reason. You have options, use them.
You son might be little but he is observing. He is observing how both you and your W act. I sure as hell wouldn't want a child thinking the way your W acts is normal, acceptable or tolerable. The same goes for you.
You are really only hurting yourself here. Please be honest though - most of what you say you "have" to do, you don't. You just want to. And that is okay too... do what you want. But don't say you HAVE to.
