Thanks Piano and Pinhead,

Piano, I've noticed too that the most practical advice often seems to come from men and be useful to other men, on this forum. But then I think that one of the major differences between women and men (and possibly the one that causes most problems)is that when you present a man with a problem, he understands that you want him to come up with a practical solution, that you will follow this advice and Bob's your uncle! While we of the weaker sex (!) often just want a sympathetic ear, are not actually looking for a piece of practical advice. I now realize that this was an obstacle to communication in my own couple. I would come home from work and say I was having problems with that rowdy crowd in such a class. I wanted him to say "tell me all about it chérie, I'll make you a coffee and hear you out, you must be wrecked". But he just said: "get tough with them, send them to the head's office, don't stand for any nonsense from them". End of story, and he'd get weary if I brought the thing up a second time. I wanted him to listen, he gave practical solutions and then returned to watching the box or some other more interesting activity, having done his bit.

Hope you and your little one are okay.

My H is no longer with the OW who helped him break us up. He's showing signs of neglect - the man who was always so clean-shaven and particular had a mighty six o' clock shadow this morning and also on Wednesday morning when he came to collect the children. Was pleasant today, asking me about school, activities. I've got to the stage where I can be outwardly cheery and self-contained, so things go better. This morning, the second daughter (eldest won't go with him or even speak to him) kicked up a row when he came to collect her and little brother. Cried and didn't want to go. He started then to get angry with me, saying if I couldn't understand the roster he'd write it out for me. I was on my way out, stayed calm and said I didn't try to create problems, but the kids didn't like the situation and were suffering and that he couldn't expect everyone to just fall in with his plans with a smile.Told him to stop getting angry with me. He climbed down quickly and I left him at it. When I returned, they'd gone. He sent me a text this evening with his land line number and "I understand".

I feel the tide is turning. I'm getting on with my life, and he's discovering the damage he's doing. He put a bomb under his relationship with me, his family and his children. All for some floozy who's moved on since then.I know I've to detach, but hope that he'll come 'round when he's had a bellyful.To a DIFFERENT relationship of equals, or not at all, mind you.

Pinhead, I've been to an art class, am learning to drive (no, I don't have a driving licence, at 46, shameful but ecological!), going to the gym and was at a book fair this aft, met some interesting people and took my mind off things a bit. It's always there, but I manage sometimes to rise above it and get an aerial view, as it were. Don't know what the future'll bring, but we'll survive.
You have a good weekend too.
NCU


Me: 46
H:42
Together for 18 yrs, married 14.
3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7.
Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation.
Separated 08/2010