"I can always count on fb2 to push my buttons ( smile )..." That's what friends are for, sometimes ;-)
It seemed to me that your "cheating/falling-in-love/finding romance elsewhere" (note the quotes) had a real "drop-the-rope" effect. Maybe H sensed this, maybe his "falling-out-of-love" with OW was just a fortunate co-incidence. At any rate it seemed to me about this time the ship started to turn around. You (and H) made tremendous and steady advancement since then tho' I still see you struggling with forgiveness and blame.
yes you are right. That was when I finally dropped the rope. And I wasnt trying to show that to him which in my mind, played a big role. I wasnt acting as if and he felt it.
He said he had decided a few months back he wanted to come home but he couldnt confront her so he was trying to get her to say the words. Pretty much what he did with me in some ways. Of course the year that followed was him trying to untangle himself from the mess he created. He said me finding the emails etc speeded up the process.
NO Ali, he hasnt talked about what he found to this woman, or what he felt missing in the end. Just general comments about big mistakes.
Kat, I was thinking the same way too. They finally open up (my kids). STill it hurts to see them hurting. xx
So sad to see the kids having a rough time. Glad they are talking about it now.
As for their future relationships, I think that seeing your parents build a strong relationship and practice forgiveness can only help them in the long run so long as it is addressed properly to make sure they don't have abandonment issues later.
It's so ironic how when you are done they want back.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yes indeed very ironic but not always the case. That is the one suggestion that I would give to anyone who's spouse wants out, get the helll out of there and fast.
On the kids front I have been lucky so far but as K warned me in the past, keep an eye. Who really knows what effect it has had on children. I am still trying to figure out what effect it has had on me.
Soooo, H and the other 3 chief editors quit last night. He says even if the other two change their minds, he wont. So today he wakes up and I can see him distracted and ready to snipe. I try to stay away and we talk about what happened. Last night at 3 in the morning when he returned, he said I didnt look excited. I was obviously half asleep and couldnt talk about it in depth. He was wide awake and on adrenaline.
Anyway, we had a big fight although I did try to tell him to calm down cause it wasnt me that bothered him. He got out of control because he said "I yelled" when I asked him "what do you suggest then" about something he had refused my suggestion about (what to eat for lunch). Things got outt of control with him saying he isnt gonna be controlled by me and other things that bring up underlying issues he has with HIMSELF. I even told him "I am being patient right now cause I know you are upset about work", he wouldnt let go. I drove off and drove around the block of the bank where he was taking money from the ATM. He got furious and called me a "selfish pr!ck" and few other things. Totally out of control. I saw hate in his eyes.Rage.
I shut up and we came home. He left to work and sent me a message that he was sorry and that he got out of control. I told him this is the last time he treats me like this. Next time it will be over. That I wont tolerate such a behaviour ever again and that I wont become his "outlet", his punching bag. He said he needs my support. I told him that's the way NOT to get any, wont take any outbursts like that ever again. I told him that is abuse and that he needs help.
Obviously he is under stress. But that's an old pattern I am not willing to accept anymore. If he needs support he will have it. But not by getting mad at me and letting steam off that way. The control thing surfaced again. I think it's a big issue. It's the reason I was careful not to demand that he leaves his job so far. I want to avoid him blaming me for his decsisions.
Last night he sent me a message saying heloved me and I should know that, and that all he wants is to love me and have me loving him back. It didnt last long. K
Well, you know it isn't really you he is mad at. And he knows it as well. So hopefully after a few hours he will calm down. He does want your support, but you are right, that doesn't mean you are his punching bag.
Oh Kalni..been reading all your posts, seems i have an H with exactly the same personality as yours, so its like reading about my own H constantly!
Anger always gets directed to the thing that they love the most, and deep down know that the connection is strong enough to take, but yes, we all know how much we can and cant tolerate, and if we dont tell them we will just continue to get 'punched'.
Always thinking of you and checking your threads Kalni And always hoping for the best
I feel I have reached the end of my rope in the waiting game now, and H seems still very much in his own world, I dont see him ever coming out .
Your H has difficulty taking the stress of such big decisions or happenings such as quitting a job. He is hurting and grieving and insecure as a result. I know this because I've been there; I took a much lesser paying public service job to spend more time with the family instead of on the road or in the air. And yes you are not his punching bag, but how can you be supportive in such a tense situation when you are hurting from OW and months of separation/neglect? Can you show him how much you appreciate what he's done in order to spend more time with you and the kids? And that less money is well worth it? And that you will be with him every step of the way? Do you think threatening to leave him is going to make things better? K, you choose a tough road to walk on but you're capable of it.
Kalni, I'm so sorry to hear of your tough day yesterday. All I can say is that I admire the courage you showed in the way you handled this difficult situation:
Originally Posted By: Kalni
That I wont tolerate such a behaviour ever again and that I wont become his "outlet", his punching bag. He said he needs my support. I told him that's the way NOT to get any, wont take any outbursts like that ever again. I told him that is abuse and that he needs help...
Obviously he is under stress. But that's an old pattern I am not willing to accept anymore....
That shows a lot of self-awareness and restraint. Way to go, Kalni.
Last edited by FindingMyVoice; 09/26/1009:42 PM.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Whoo-hoo about him quitting his job!!! That is totally awesome!
Sorry to hear you guys got into a fight though. I can definitely see how he is stressed out about quitting his job, and why he was disappointed you weren't excited. I'm sure he really needed some validation and encouragement. It definitely doesn't excuse the yelling though. I can't imagine you threatening to leave made him feel good about his decision though, since you were obviously the big motivator for him to quit the job.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
And always hoping for the best