I have to do this too? When he wrecked everything?
Quite honestly ... yes. You do. If you want a shot at saving this thing. And do the research A_goodman suggests, bad MC is way worse than no MC. Now is not the time to expect him to be a partner. You need to lead this, if you want to. He will not. You have the tools at your fingertips. He does not.
Sounds to me like you need to refind BBF. Were you a wife or a mother? No offense. But it's a role many of fell into. I'll bet you were a good wife, but you weren't perfect, none of us are. Examine any of the complaints he's made and look for the "sting", see if there are anythings you want to change for YOU. Time to focus on you and who you want to be. Who you really are when you peel away the masks and roles.
Good luck! PEI
Thanks for your reply, PEI
I said I was a good wife. Not perfect. Nobody is perfect. I do however fit the mothering roll by doing all the laundry, cleaning and cooking. I don't take over his life like a mother tho. His own mother told us the way we handle our own personl affairs is shocking. She couldn't believe I don't ever see his pay. He has his bank and I have mine. I don't go near his car, unless of course he needs me to clean it. Lets see..I don't talk to him at all during the day and in the evening we eat dinner together that I cooked and I do the dishes and go to my room for the night. The man has his freedom to come and go.
I would have to be the leader as I do have the tools, but do I want to anymore is the question that burns me up.
As for the complaints he's thrown at me? Not enough sex and me constantly wanting to talk about those stupid texts because it was nothing, he didn't touch anyone so drop it. Then he gets up and slams doors and leaves. Always ends this way. Then we start being cordial a few days later and here we are. Endless cycle.
He won't help me ever so sex is what I'm least intested in after working as many hours sometimes more than him and come home to find him sleeping on the couch with the coffee cups still on the table. He takes no initiate ever to tidy up, pick up his dirty clothes or start dinner and I don't feel very romantic at that point.
He doesn't think he did anything wrong so he's never going to talk me about something he says is nothing. I still believe I should just move out and let this be if he doesn't show any signs of wanting it. If I try to lead he's going to tell me in 6 months..Oh I only went cause you kept bringing it up.
I have learned one thing about my relationship since coming here. Every problem I have in my marraige is the trickle down of being in a ssm. Our sex life was more than amazing for the first 10 years ( because I put in all theextra effort) but he still wasn't helping me. I asked him to. It lasted for a bit than the same old crap. I was tired too from work and after some time just gave up on it. Maybe I need to move to make him see all I do..realistically tho..he'll just find someone or keep running thru women instead of looking within. I have to accept that about him because he's not going to change.
