Tay, I'm glad he at least came to see the kids, even though it was a sad amount of time. At least he did come see them, that's a good thing. It sounds like you did really well handling it too.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
Long story short I went to my husband job on 9/19 to talk to him and he knew that I was coming. He came outside on his break with a hospital band that you get when you have a baby on his arm. I asked him who had a baby and he told me the OW. I asked him was it his baby and he said yes. I asked him when was he planning on telling me and the kids that he was having a baby. He told me that it was none of my business but he was going to tell the kids when the time was right. He said that they are going to be together and raise the baby. Now my husband has only been gone for 7 months and I asked him how is it his baby unless he was cheating before he left. He told me that the baby was premature and hanging on to life. I told him that the OW told me that she had a boyfriend and it was not him. I asked him wouldn't he think that the baby was her boyfriend's. He said that the OW is lying to me because she wants to respect me. I said oh so her letting my husband move in, sleep with him, and have a baby with him is respecting me? He was only on a break so he had to go back inside.
I called his mom and she got very upset about what my H told me. She said that he told her back in May that OW was pregnant. She said she asked H was it his baby and he told her no. She said she spoke to OW and she told her no it was not my H baby it was her boyfriend baby. My MIL said that my H should not be so cruel to me and tell me the truth. She said that if it was his baby she would have told me even if H didn't.
I talked to my H yesterday and he told me that he had signed the Paternity Papers. I told him that he was stupid being that he did not know if that was his baby. He said that it is his baby and that was that. So I asked him if I asked OW was it his baby what would she say. He got very upset and said that I was being insensitive knowing that the baby is clinging to life. He said why would you call her with this foolishness and she is worried about if her baby is going to live. I asked him again if I ask OW if that is your baby what would she say. He said that he does not know what she would say being that she is trying to respect me. He said that she is never going to tell me the truth of the situation.
I decided last night that I am going to see a lawyer as soon as I can get a free consultation. I am going to file for divorce on grounds of adultery and I am also going to name the OW in the suit. I am so beyond done that it is not funny. I told my husband when all of this happen that there are alot of things that I can forgive. The one and only thing that I would not forgive is him having a baby with someone else. The baby does not have his name or last name. He has not been to the hospital all week to see him and the OW did not call him to update him on the baby status. I told him that is funny if he is the dad wouldn't he be up there after work. Wouldn't she call him and tell him how the baby is doing? The bad thing about it is my H is absolutely dumb enough to sign papers for a baby that he knows is not his. If he ever did come home then the courts would consider my income as well for child support by us being married. No money is coming out of my pocket to pay for his illegitmate child. Anyway I would love all of your thoughts about this new update to the situation.
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
Tay Tay, I am still trying to recover from the blow dealt when H told me OW was pregnant. It's due in November, so I know I will be struggling with this news for quite some time.
Hope you are able to find a lawyer quickly to do the consult for you.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
OMG, Tay. Seriously, file for D and soon. Do a search today for "free consultation divorce lawyeres" in your area nad go tomorrow. Your H is a d-ck. I am sorry but there are no words to approprirate describe what scum he is. IMO, the OW never had a boyf. They just told you that to "ease" the pain of their affrair and to make excuses. Your H is prob the father. Anyone else think this? Get a L and file for support and fast. Keep your head held up really high and do not speak to him again unless it involves something re: your children. He is not even man enough to tell them about what he's doing which is pathetic.
pinhead-thank you for the support. My husband has a hard road ahead of him and I am not going to be around anymore to help.
KellBell0820-that is what I said wow lol. It is a shock to me but then its not because my H is so dumb. I am taking the steps to make sure me and my kids will be fine. Thanks for the support.
lovehurts2-Thank you for the support. I am going to look out for me and the kids.
Mystik-there are very little hurts that hurt like it does when you find out that your H is having a baby with someone else. I have asked him to lets have another baby in the past and he told me no that he did not want anymore children. He told me that he is getting older and don't want to have to deal with children anymore. Less than 7 months he had a baby by another woman and it is the boy that I wanted. I always wanted my son to have a brother since he had 3 sisters. I have found a lawyer that I am interested in and I am going to call and setup the consultation tomorrow.
soliel-I am going to setup the consultation tomorrow. My husband is absolutely a d-ick. My husband could have left and not done all the things he has done to hurt me. He is intentionally tearing me down and crushing my heart. I can't keep going through this emotional pain. I am not sure if he is the father but I feel like it is worse to lie to me about being the father than it is to just tell the truth. If he is lying about it then he is tearing my heart out for no reason. That hurts even worse. I already have a order for child support established. We make about the same amount of money so I would not be able to get alimony or spousal support probably. We would only have to deal with visitation. Thank you for your support.
Well my husband came by the house yesterday to "see the kids". I put in parenthesis because he has not been by in forever to see the kids then yesterday he wants to come over. He came upstairs to talk to me and I told him to get out of my room. He was like what's wrong with you. I said maybe it is the fact that you keep hurting me over and over again. He sat on the bed and asked me if we could talk. I told him I would talk and he could listen. I told him that I was done. I told him that I don't ever want to be with him again. I told him that I was tired of him hurting me and I will not deal with it any longer. He just sat there with a surprised look on his face. I told him that he kept telling me to get over him and to move on and that is what I was going to do. I told him that I am going to be making some changes for me and my kids. He asked me if the changes I was going to make would affect him. I told him he would find out. He said well if they are going to be taking more money out of my check I can't have that. He said that he barely gets $400 a check now because they take all of his money in child support and insurance for the kids. I told him that he will get some information soon. He asked me so what are we going to do now are we going to be friends or what. I told him that no we can't be friends, we can't be cordial for the kids, and we could not coparent. I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him. So I told him what I would do is when the kids want to talk to him they can call him. If he does not answer and call back I will give them the phone to answer. If I need something from him in regards to the kids I will text him and he can text me back. I told him that I don't want to talk to him on the phone ever again. I told him that when he comes to see the kids that I would leave or either be up in my room until he leaves. He was just looking at me like wow.
So he told me that he was looking for an apartment. I asked him why are you looking for an apartment and you just had a baby. Don't you want to stay with your baby and girlfriend? He was like I need to have my own. I was like whatever. So he went and played the Wii with the kids and I asked him was he staying for a while. He told me yeah so I got dressed and went over a friend of mine house for a few hours. So when I got back he said alright come on and give me a hug. I said no. He said well can I have a hand shake. I said no and made a face. He said why are you making that face and I said because I don't want to touch you. He said okay then dueces and walked out of the house. I told my Pastor today that I am getting a divorce and he said that it did not matter to him. He said that he would stand by me whether I stay with my H or leave my H. I am so glad to have support from you all and my family and church family. I got out of church today and my H sent me a text telling me that they had an emergency at the hospital with the baby last night. I don't know what he expected me to say. I did not text him anything back. I mean what I say and I am done with him.
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
The whole situation is so crazy now. Is it possible that the OW baby is her old BFs?
I agree with soliel, distant yourself from this mess.
Prayers to you today for strength. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
