Change is in the air........

[MHL]

XH DID say that he and I have had some really good times together, so at least he is allowing himself to remember those times now.
GAG

GAG,

I have heard this from my W, 4 times on 3 separate occassions in the past couple of weeks. I too am glad she remembers those times, however she is saying it because only remembering the bad times is no longer a valid argument for not reconciling.

So they move to the next reason for not getting back together, for your XH it is VVVVVVVVV this.

"But (he said) living together was difficult".

I think in time this will fall apart as you spend more and more time with him. I think the R with OW#2 will end in short order, but like SA said it may take a little time.

After I got home I kept thinking that I wanted to ask him "What part of this difficulty do you think that you contributed to?"............Arghhhhhhhh! He is a SLOW learner! Still not taking any responsibility for his part of that.

I am glad you didn't ask this.....I think you were just venting, right????

I think a valid response would "What part do you think was difficult?"

I think it is good that he is openning up to you, it may not be what you want to hear but it is more than you have gotten before. Keep providing a "safe" environment for him to share himself with you.

Don't think he wants another bunny boiler in his life,....although it sounds like he may have one.

I think I got this but I wanted ask about the Bunny Boiler....

is this ref. to Glenn Close ala "Fatal Attraction" ???

Funny

Cheers

[Truegritter]

I think I got this but I wanted ask about the Bunny Boiler....

Come on dude!

A member of the BBC?

The Boiling Bunny Club?

Yes from Fatal Attraction.

[goodattitudegirl]

CW, MHL, and Grit,

Thank you for your feedback and encouragement. No contact from XH today. I think he may be shell-shocked. He told me that he was planning to see BMF this evening and would ask him about whether or not he had sent the package.

When I think back over our conversation, the word that I think best summarizes the mood is vulnerable. XH struck me as being open and vulnerable. He must be feeling that his world is topsy turvy...again.

CW, as always, thank you very much for your encouragement. (((((CW)))))

MHL, thank you, thank you for posting!!!! Your words spoke volumes to me today. Just what I needed to hear.

After I got home I kept thinking that I wanted to ask him "What part of this difficulty do you think that you contributed to?"............Arghhhhhhhh! He is a SLOW learner! Still not taking any responsibility for his part of that.

I am glad you didn't ask this.....I think you were just venting, right????

I think a valid response would "What part do you think was difficult?"

I think it is good that he is openning up to you, it may not be what you want to hear but it is more than you have gotten before. Keep providing a "safe" environment for him to share himself with you.

I have been cycling a lot over the last 5-6 weeks. Visited your thread to find a discussion among you and your posse all about cycling (www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads...ue#Post20760100). I highly recommend this for any LBS who is struggling with this. You gentlemen rock!........but I might need to come over there with a bar of soap for y'all's colorful language.

Found this wisdom from a fella named Grit....

This isn't anger or anything else and you know what I am talking about.

How could you want her back RIGHT NOW????

She ain't fully cooked yet. Not even sure if she is in the oven yet.

THAT is the peace I want for you. That you know what you are doing and what path you are on.

Just look at your wife as an unbaked fruitcake.

My XH is SO not done........but the bunny is boiled! Nice to know that I can trust my intuition.

GAG

[dolphin_05]

Hey GAG, so curious to see what XH can find out about the book. Very interesting developments but I like that XH is supportive and protective of you.

Take care, Cas

[LanceSijan]

GAG

I haven't posted to you in a few days although I have been reading along, If you go back to when you first started posting here on the MLC board, and look at what has happened with your ExH you will see that what you mistook for acceptance was really him peeking out of the tunnel to see where you were. He seems to be at a later stage of replay right now. It is interesting that he broke up with OW#2 but then two weeks later started dating her again.

At some point this cycle will need to break.

Just my observations for the moment and reflecting on what you wrote.

[PEI]

I have been cycling a lot over the last 5-6 weeks. Visited your thread to find a discussion among you and your posse all about cycling (www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads...ue#Post20760100). I highly recommend this for any LBS who is struggling with this. You gentlemen rock!........but I might need to come over there with a bar of soap for y'all's colorful language. GAG

MHL's posse! Yeeehaww! And you are right GAG ... they are a fantastic bunch of gents (might even be a lass or two in the group ) ... oh, and you'll get used to the language ... glad you didn't let it stop you from picking out the golden nuggets!

You are doing great btw!
(((hugs)))
PEI

[MHL]

GAG,
Sorry for the language, yes there has been some very good discussion on this as of late. I started a discussion thread on the LBS cycling, maybe we can kick it around some more there.

I wanted to add something that I did not post earlier that I noticed about your XH and my W. It is that he is protective of you, I get a similar feeling from my W, maybe not so much of "protective" from her but more of trying to be "supportive".

I know this is mind reading, so I will take the 2X4's as appropriate.....but this is one the few actions or words coming from our MLCer's that is not driven by guilt, IMO.

I feel that your XH protectiveness and my W's supportiveness comes from somewhere else.....could be echoes of their love for us or that "connection" that never seems to die.

Just more of a noteworthy observation as we continue to watch the MLCer scamper around.

Cheers

[Truegritter]

GAG

Thanks for the shout out.

Pulling some gems from you too!

We are all here for eachother. Grateful for everyone here.

I really didn't start cussing till I met Eric...

[Mila]

GAG - Every MLC hand book for LBS recommends that the best thing is to become their friend first. And I think that you are doing an amazing job on that. I agree with Lance that he may not be done with his replay yet...but he seems to be moving along. Hang in there girl

True -

I really didn't start cussing till I met Eric...

LOL

[goodattitudegirl]

Thanks SA, CW, MHL, Grit, Cas, Lance, Mila, and PEI for your feedback. I'm updating now on recent developments. Sorry for the length. It's hard for me to post during the work day, so I tend to catch up in spurts.

As we walked out of the restaurant to our cars, I was a bit buzzed (2 drinks on an empty stomach) and said to XH, I always thought that the problems we had were very solvable. He nodded and agreed in a receptive way.

First, I want to clarify what I wrote above. XH didn't nod in agreement that HE thought the problems were solvable. He just said "I know you thought that" and seemed agreeable, not defiant like in the past.

You've given XH a lot to think about. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he may retreat for a while to process.

SA, I really appreciated your reminder. I was bracing for a backlash,.........but surprisingly XH DID follow through on what he said he would do. I didn't hear from him on thursday (he said he would ask BMF about the package thursday evening in person). I sent him a short e-mail friday morning because I needed to get the name of the tree removal service his business partner recommended:

Me: "Hey! Happy Friday! Can u tell its been a full moon week? Thanks again for the drinks! Nice bday celebration ......and I love it that you're mixing up your table tennis strategy!.....(stuff about the tree removal service)......Thanks! GAG P.S. Do u have any new movie recommendations?"

Mr. GAG replied 3 hours later:

"Afternoon! The winds were really strong last night! Heck, if it didn't 'fell' last night...I'd keep it there before I would chop it!! (and then it's covered totally by insurance...think about it!)

But...you could get (info about the tree service).

BMF....asked him if he left the book. Couldn't pick up anything that made me think he did. (I also don't want to think he did and don't anyway). We talked about it at length. I didn't at any point (in the conversation) think it might be him. I looked for the (hair)brush which is not my main brush but OW#2's and don't see it there.

Table tennis was fun....and you are getting better. Nice for you to simply have more practice. Maybe next week....

Movies...not sure. The Jamie Lee Curtis one sounds funny? The Wall St. one didn't get great reviews, but might still be good.

Have a good weekend. ............ Oh, I need to come over and get the Kayaks sometime and string them up in the garage for WINTER!! (his kayaks are still at my house from our outing in July)

Mr. GAG"

I posted the entire text from Mr. GAG's email to see if anyone has feedback about his tone. I was VERY surprised he wasn't defensive, and it almost sounds like he is "in this" with me and wants to know the answer to "who sent the package?". Time will tell.......

what you mistook for acceptance was really him peeking out of the tunnel to see where you were. He seems to be at a later stage of replay right now.............At some point this cycle will need to break.

Lance, I agree TOTALLY with what you wrote and REALLY appreciate your assessment. It gives me some hope that you think he might be toward the end of replay. I hadn't thought a lot about that recently. I am becoming pretty detached, but I am a very goal-oriented person (a master of delayed gratification) so I keep putting one foot in front of the other, even though I don't see where it will lead.

And you are right GAG ... they are a fantastic bunch of gents (might even be a lass or two in the group ) ... oh, and you'll get used to the language ... glad you didn't let it stop you from picking out the golden nuggets!

PEI, I think they (gents) are the "d'bat pack" and you are their "Shirlee McLaine". Re: #$%&*@ language, it takes a lot to offend me. I've even been known to utter a few curse words myself. A long time ago I worked as an ICU nurse. You can only spill body fluids on yourself so many times before you learn to curse (hope no one was eating just now).

So to summarize, in the 2 years since the bomb, XH has had 2 longish Rs that I am aware of:
--OW#1: an MD who after 2 months dumped him in a 3 page e-mail telling him everything that is wrong with him
--OW#2: I think she is a secretary who wanted to M him after ~6 months (best I can tell) and might be a bunny boiler.

GEEEEZZZZZ, dating is SO much fun, isn't it???? Wonder if XH is beginning to remember why he fell so hard for me after dating those 100 women before we met??????????

GAG