Again I will disagree with not knowing what stage you are in. In order to navigate each journey you must know where you are and where you have been. I agree with Trapt that the future is unknown but to not know where you are on this journey is to wander around aimlessly.
Our situations were/are very different. My ex went BONKERS, had two OM's and Spun like a F four twister. Our experiences are a bit different so I am trying to keep that in mind.
I disagree a little though, part of this journey is the unknown. I think it's safe to say you and I have never been though a spouse's mlc before right? So how CAN you possibly know where you're at at all times?? Some of this has to be uncharted territory right??
You can read and learn a ton about other people's situations, just be careful about applying that to your own and saying that you know exactly where you are.
I guess it may just be me, but to place so much focus, labels and absolutes on mlc and the posts in the archives, just sort of strikes me as not completely letting go.
It almost has sort of a "understand it, so I can follow it to the letter and FIX it" sort of feel to me, however that just may be ME. I dunno. I just keep getting this "fix it" vibe. I do know one thing for sure, it can very easily become an unhealthy obession if you aren't careful.
Exactly my thoughts, well articulated trapt.
Originally Posted By: trapt
Many of the battles we face are with ourselves.
Yep.
Originally Posted By: trapt
I disagree a little though, part of this journey is the unknown. I think it's safe to say you and I have never been though a spouse's mlc before right? So how CAN you possibly know where you're at at all times?? Some of this has to be uncharted territory right??
You can read and learn a ton about other people's situations, just be careful about applying that to your own and saying that you know exactly where you are.
The unknown is a huge part of the journey for me. As a recovering control freak it was probably the most difficult piece … not knowing how this was going to turn out. Not knowing what to do to “fix” it. Not knowing. Period. Once I really started to grasp one day at a time (and yes, this can be a challenge some days – I’ve really only gotten comfortable in it in the last few weeks) then I could see that the outcome or even the stage is so much less important than the journey as a whole.
Have a great weekend all!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I can see once I have passed through a stage only when I look back. Never have I had the awareness when I was experiencing that stage to know that's what was happening.
I think this is key. Maybe this is a more accurate way to describe the action. I am not recommending mind reading or fortune telling.
It is no different looking at the stages that your MLC'er have accomplished. Much easier to look backwards and ID that than to look forward. Can you make a mistake, Absolutely.
To know what will happen is not possible since I agree that none of us have ever done this before.
But to not learn anything from history may mean that you will repeat what you should have already learned.
