MLC 5 years on

[Sanderika]

Hello all,

I want to first thank you all for your words of support. It was helpful for me to read the validation of my thoughts and actions.

My H actually spent last Saturday here at the house with son and I. It was all very weird. He showed up unannounced and seemed to just hang around. I was actually fairly uncomfortable and felt really awkward. At the time he had no knowledge of my filing, neither one of us brought up the divorce. I actually predicted this behavior from him, took him 14 days to peek his head out of the sand. I treated him kindly and friendly without being too much so on both. He appeared to be a bit sheepish and insecure. He was an open book as to his activities and plans. Go figure.....

We have not talked since.....

I am very sad, I am sure I have done the right thing. I feel like a fish out of water. I don't like this one bit. I don't have a choice. H made his choice over and over again always picking the OW over his wife and son. What is...is, at this point if he wants to be there who am I to interfere.

Beatrice,

I was able to recreate a friendship with my H, it was not the other way around. H did not try, I did all the work. I adopted the thought of.....How can he divorce me if he likes me and loves me again? I changed in my mind, body and soul. I rolled up my sleeves and got to work on changing me first. I succeeded and H followed my lead. I once read: A relationship can be reconciled if one spouse changes. In the beginning if H spewed venom, I would simply just sit and let him rant. I never raised my voice or counteracted. I knew it was not about me. I knew it was H and his anger towards himself. I knew and he knew that he had screwed up big time. He was a man who had crossed the line and his guilt was (and still is) eating him alive. His ego and pride are now in control of him. I think all of the time H wants to return to the marriage. His ego and pride will not allow him to admit he really screwed up and to return would admit he has made a mistake. That is all very sad....

My H took 4 months at the beginning of trying to verbally and emotionally destroy me. I would not allow it. I would not engage in a conversation if he led this way. After 4 months he began to cower down and become rational. He slowly started to take my cues and allowed a friendship to blossom. We went on to spend a lot of time together and yes, we spent many nights together, generally 1-2 a week for 5 years. Unfortunately it never led to a full reconciliation. H also would or could not give up the OW and her cunning manipulations kept pushing for a divorce. Two months ago he again started to talk negative about us and it led to the filing.

I was able to put off the divorce for 5 years. (the divorce is happening because it should, H is still with the same OW (off and on) he left me for and H is still in a MLC) H has been held unaccountable for his choices and actions and it is time he face the truth about them and suffer the consequences of a divorce. My regrets are huge.....I will always feel a soul connection to my H. My son is the other loser, he doesn't deserve a broken family. My H is also a loser, he is too blind to see thus doesn't deserve my sympathy any longer.

Gosh, I could go on and on about the past 5 years....It was not easy to recreate the friendship, it was very heartbreaking and tumultuous. I basically made it my mission under the premise that it would reconcile us. It's funny, H wants the friendship to continue....I actually want it to cease.

(((Hugs))) to everyone,

Sanderika