Rob, midlife crisis (maybe??) I don't believe that you should "fund her new lifestyle"...She really needs some intervention; I don't think that she is as much depressed as she is "unstable". Her crazymaking talk (what verbal and emotional abusers do) can confused us to no end...hold your ground, get stable and keep the kids cared for...You are in a very toxic environment; I lived that way with my dh; separated from him about a year ago...hopefully if you can "detach" to give her space to heal without giving her the means to run away you can get her into counseling; make an appointment and take her. Good luck and God bless.
M -12 Years 1 9 y son (w/me) S-Nov 2009 (and LOVING it; will NEVER go back!) D-soon
