Sadly I find myself here, on my second marriage. Got the Ilyb talk in July. We are both 36 and have known each other for 7 years with a 5 year old son and 4 year old daughter.
The problems all started when we moved back to the UK from the US, she is American. Things seemed to be going very well until she had an attack of a recurring illness that almost resulted in a disfiguring operation. Fortunately a last resort cure, stopped this. However it's very heavy medication, with nasty side effects.
From what's she's been telling me over the last six months she feels that she could die at any time and just wants to make the most of her life. She's been dressing younger and sexier, and going out clubbing with friends, leaving me with the kids. She had also been getting very disrespectful about me in front of friends.
The whole thing came to a head when she was caught in a sexual act with the husband of her best friend, she admitted it to me and told me she wanted out of the marriage, naturally I was shocked and devastated (Aug 20th). My amazing and beutiful wife had turned into someone totally alien, and had become cold and callous seemingly overnight. she has never done anything like this before to anyone.
She has now got into university and expects me to pay for an apartment that we can swap between to co parent the kids. she has a part time job but we cannot afford the extra money and are in debt all over the place, she has told me that she doesn't care and knows she's being selfish.
She has been diagnosed with severe depression but refuses to seek treatment, and has told me she has no feeling except anger I feel that she is walking all over me with no respect whatsover. She wants me to fund her single fancy free lifestyle, and says that I owe it to her. She knows what buttons to push and is very good at making me feel guilty.
She knows that I'm still in love with her and has said some incredibly hurtful things eg she never wants to have sex with me again but yet she went away for 2 weeks, I didn't call her once and she kept calling me and I'm'ing telling me how much she missed me. When I picked her up at the airport it was like nothing had ever happened, we hugged and kissed for 5 minutes. Within 2 days she wasn't touching me anymore.
This seems to be a perfect storm of MLC, Dpression, ilness and I don't know what to do. We are stuck under the same roof (financial reasons), sleeping in the same bed in an incredibly toxic atmosphere.
I did become very clingy after the ilyb talk, but now I've distanced myself she is telling me I'm being cold and that she's still my best friend. I am truly devastated by this and want to save my marriage.. I just don't know what to do..
