Looking for help with WAW

[bustorama]

Dude, I'm one of the crappiest DBers on here, but I just read your sitch and you have GOT to stop arguing against what your wife wants. When my W first dropped the bomb on me that she wanted a D, at first I did all the counter-arguments, etc. Then (before stumbling on DB/DR) I realized:

1) This isn't working,
2) If I D, I will be fine. The world will not end for me.
3) My W wants out and she is unhappy and scared how SHE will be. She needs validation and support.

She was bawling, depressed, shaking with anxiety. I told her calmly, "W, everything will be fine. Regardless of how things turn out, you will be fine, I will be fine, and our kids will be fine. And I promise you that each of us will be happier in the future, however things turn out, than we are today."

It wasn't really a letting go (since I didn't know about letting go), but it was a validation of her feelings, showing her I was not fighting her, and showing her confidence in myself (in all of us). It totally changed the dynamic between us when I told her I was fine with D if it came to that.

In your case:

1) How has it been working for you to try to argue/reason against her not wanting to be M to you? To argue stubbornly against her feelings?

2) If you D, you WILL be fine, whether you ultimately reconcile with W or not. Dude, you WILL be.

3) Your W feels that she wants out. Validate her. Man up and support her.