Discussion of the LBS cycles

[ericmsant2]

Lance,

I am not sure why you seem to think that I was speaking about you. I do not seem to reference anyone in particular, with the exception of Trapt. So...I guess my question to you would be...did anything I say "sting".

But since you asked me some questions I will answer...

Eric, did I say anything about a timeline?

No. Did I say YOU did?

Please show me those words.

I would IF i said that you wrote them and I did not.

Stages are not timelines.

I never said they were.

Please do NOT twist MY words around.

NOW....THIS ^^^^ kind of pissed me off. I guess the question that you may want to ask yourself if WHY would you believe that I am trying to twist your words - a little sting again. Lance, I respect your views and would request that you respect mine. Now, personally I think that you may be misreading what I posted...actually I will give you the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe I did not clearly communicate them. So let me clarify - MY POINT is that what we the LBS should do is focus on us - PERIOD. Any energy expanded on trying to put any MLCer in some sort of box is energy that could be spent focusing on oneself. I also appears to me like sometime people (noticed I did not specify anyone) try and come up with some sort of algorithm to help them determine where there spouse is in the process.

Because then you are GUILTY as charged.

Sorry your barking up the wrong tree. The only thing that I am guilty of is speaking my mind.

No one seemed to have any objections to the stages of the LBS months ago.
Why is it such a big deal now?

I am not sure anyone is objecting now to the stages of the LBS. I know that I am not. Hence - it is not a big deal to me. Is it too YOU? Why do you feel so inclined to "defend" your views and position? They are YOURS and you have every right to them. I was not attacking YOUR views - I was simply stating mine.

Does this mean that no one believes in the 6 stages of MLC?

ONE - I never said that I did not. TWO - I have read on other site, all sorts of other stages. I guess my point is ONCE again - should it really matter to the LBS? IMO - NO.

When you first arrive here, you cling to the stages, you spend countless hours trying to put your spouse into one of the stages. Does the information help you "cope", "understand", etc what you are dealing with and what your S is dealing with? Yes - BUT I believe that every ounce of our energy should be spent working on US AND NOT trying to determine what stage/phase our MLCer is in. IMO - this is where people can get stuck. Do I believe in standing (just in case you were wondering)? Yes I do.

the stages of LBS that LFW came up with closely resemble the stages of grief.

Yes they do. As a matter of fact they are consistent with the stages described in the journey from abandonment to healing book as well as various other publications.

Do you not believe in that too?

No I do believe in the stages of grief. I never said I did not.

I am not understanding you guys at all

Drink more, smoke a dubby, hit a hotel 6 with Grit and me and then ya may get "us". No seriously, Lance, I think you mis understood my post.

I can honestly say that I did not appreciate your response. You know Lance, you could have just asked me to clarify instead of responding to my post and hurling out accusations that I was referring you. Having said this...I'll say it again...if it stings....well you know.

Eric