Wow, the way Schnarch describes marriage, who would ever want to do it? Lots of pain and work for years and years before you ever get something good?
+1!!!!!
The whole Passionate Marriage, Marriage is a crucible thing both rings true and scares the heck out of me. Schnarch does make is sound like a cross between the ultimate home improvement project and a Catholic Priest's "life is a veil of tears, but it will get better" speech.
After getting his book and tapes, I have honestly wondered if it is possible for most couples to ever reach what he describes as a passonate marriage. My feeling is that that vast majority of couples don't get there and that even those couples that do take the training only a very few make it to his view of a Passionate Marriage. Most settle for something far less that give them happiness, comfort and fulfills many of their needs. His view of marriage seems to me to be a real crucible melting of two souls into a "for life pair bonded couple."
I have discussed a few of the exercises with my wife on intimacy (sex with eyes wide open, hugging till calm, his role playing exercises) and she looks at me like I am crazy. The whole PM concept seems to me to be one for people who really are committed to painfully pushing the heck out of their own personal boundaries so that they can become more comfortable with their spouse and his/her needs and yet requiring the spouse to painfully push their boundarires as well.
His explaination of how different sexual acts are "discusting" until you have done them enough to integrate them into your view of yourself is the discussion that drove my wife off the deep end to never look at his books again. His approach makes sense, but requires one to take that first step into the unknown.
I wonder how wonderful it would be to find myself in a PM, but know that getting there with the woman I love is probably not going to happen. As you say, "who would ever want to do it?" But it is still a fun read.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
