Time to move on...to a new thread:)! My third thread - this is a LONG journey and I know that I am just in the beginning.

Today I was included in several emails from the family regarding arrangements for niece's funeral. H cc'd me on an email to his work about taking half a sick day and informing them about the upcoming bereavement leave. Not sure why he cc'd me - but it's just another instance where I am baffled - but quiet. No responses from me.

My oldest D talked to me today and said "Mom, you need to start acting differently - get mad, get angry, think that he is an a$$hole - because he is. You don't have to confront him - but just feel it and begin to let yourself think and do things in a different way."

I think she is right. I am not looking to "poke the tiger" - I am needing to not let it matter so much to me right now. I need to WANT to avoid him instead of NEEDING to avoid him. I am still struggling with how to deal with recognizing that we each contributed to problems in our marriage - but I wanted to be held accountable by him if I was screwing up - and he didn't want to be accountable to me. In his MLC mind - I wasn't the one he wanted, so it wasn't worth the effort. How do you make amends with someone who doesn't want you in their life?

Anyways - that's my latest struggle - and I know many of you will perceive me as continuing to blame myself, etc. And there is probably some truth to that - but more I think these are the issues I am facing as I continue to detach. I've detached physically - no calls, texts, etc. from me - no visuals of him since July 30th - but emotionally I think there continues to be these strands that haven't completely let go.

Any perspective would be appreciated!

M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
A Day at a Time