There are a lot of red flags that would indicate that your H is or has been having an affair. I wouldn't even bother with MC at this point since he seems unwilling to work on any part of the relationship.
First of all, take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, exercise, charge your battery. You don't mention children, so I assume you don't have any. That might make things easier; kids make things awfully tough.
What do you want? What changes do you need in your relationship to get your wants and needs met?
If you've decided to move out, why wait until Christmas? Living like you are for 2 1/2 months seems like hell to me.
Hi pinhead,
Thanks for your reply.
Wouldn't he be out if he were having an affair? He comes home after work and his job is filthy so I don't see him meeting anyone in that condition. ? He comes home and showers and lays on the couch waiting for dinner or walks the dog..things like that..He doesn't go far. He's usually with the neighbor men out front..I'm naive about alot of things so you could be right. I would have to snoop to know for sure, I suppose. I think he learned how to delete a text msg. so I may not find anything now.
I really believe he has adult ADD. His sister told me more than 10 years after we were married that when H was a little kid the doctors wanted to test him for ADD and other problems. His parents refused. Thanks so much I told my MIL. This is the reason I don't think he's unwilling as much as he doesn't know how to work on the relationship.
I've been using some helpful hints I found here and I haven't fought with him since. But it's cold. The problem is an elephant in the room and H acts like it's just going to go away. I wish he would come to me and say I need your help. We need to work this out. He hasn't said it but when I bring it up in an arguement he says..yes I want help find me a mc. I don't think thats up to me to do, and why does he only say that when I bring it up first?
When H told me he was an addict I was working and had everything I needed to get out. Now I've lost my job this year shortly before I found the text msgs. so by that point I was on a strict budget and theres no way I could cover a move by myself with no job. I'm looking now. Hoping I have the option not to move with him to another city in January if this isn't rectified.
I've been thinking about the changes that need to be made and first he needs to sit down with me and come clean about everything. This will put my mind at ease and I can start to really heal instead of living this day to day lie. He used to bring flowers, make things for me out of the blue...call me all the time to laugh or for stupidness throughout the day. I miss those things but I'm smart enough to know that sex was good then. If he could do some of those things agin the sex would naturally fall into place. How do I get him to? Or is he gone now? Idk.
