To hell with the coming court date. You should prolong this with the possibility of her having a change of heart and so as to get a fairer deal for both of you via negotions with a mediator and/or lawyers. The court is the worst place to have financial decisions made - you both might as well roll dice.
Yeah, I'm not happy with the protection i have right now.
I apologize for not responding to your thread sooner. You are receiving some very good advice from some of the most REAL people that I have come to know on these boards.
Grit asked you to define your intent. Your response was this…
Quote:
Financially protect myself and delay Sept 30th divorce, until we have a full financial agreement.
Go workout
Stop smoking
Get "ME" back or at least a NEW "Me"
Control my fear.
My original goal was to get W back, but realize I need to get me back first.
“Financially protect yourself” – Well that make sense. Does your W have a right to financially protect herself? Look man, I know how f*cked up all of this can be. I know what it is like to live in fear. The fear of having someone that YOU loved that is now f*cking someone else, reach in your pocket to help themselves to what they feel they deserve. I know dude – I’ve been living it for 1 year now.
BUT
Really what is financial protection? Are you concerned with her running up existing debt? If so, is that her pattern? Are you concerned with her running out and buying a car? If so, is that her pattern? What do you really mean by financial protection? Do you mean that YOU feel the YOU should not have to pay her a f*cking dime, given her recent actions?
I am not familiar with the D laws in your state so maybe securing this protection is what you need. Only you know. My advice…take a long look in the mirror…when no one is around…sit quietly and ask yourself…why am I moving forward with this need to financially protect myself – am I doing it to try and punish her? Am I doing it to try and manipulate her back to me? Am I doing it TO SHOW HER the consequences of her actions?
If you will, allow me to provide some specifics in my sitch…you see I used the “financial protection” card too. Except I can now say that I used it early on because honestly dude – I was f*cking pissed off that my W was f*cking someone else. So trust be told…I was really lying to myself about my reason for my so call claim of “financial protection”. Does the same apply to YOU. FTR, you don’t have to answer me only yourself. Anywhoooo….back to my financial sitch…
My W has never been the type to run up debt, My W has never been the type to go out and secure new lines of credit, my W has never been the type to spend lavishly. So I had to ask myself (when I finally reached a point where I was not so f*cking angry)…what protection was I really seeking OR was I using the financial protection excuse so that I can push forward with a process that was INTENDED to elicit a response from her – a response that I was trying to CONTORL. Personally, I came to the conclusion that I was using it to manipulate her – I was pushing forward as a tactic to elicit a response from her.
So I would suggest that you ask yourself the same question – why?
Some of your other intents….
“stop smoking” – a good one although personally you may find yourself a little more agitated right now and really dude you may need to be a little more relaxed over the next few months.
Any my favorite intent
“control my fear”…ahhh….yes…fear. I fu*king hate it. That is, until I faced it. Until I stood in front of it and called it what it was. A loss of control – nothing more – nothing less. We all want things to go as we expect them to. Hell when I said “I do” I expected to be married for the rest of my life. Here is the funny thing though….once you learn that YOU nor I can control another, that YOU cannot control things that really you have no control over…well the fear starts to dissipate. You begin to let go, you begin to no longer fear what you cannot control BECAUSE (drum roll please) ya can’t control it.
Faith – face your fear. Take a step back…do you really think that YOU can control the outcome of your sitch right now? I mean really?
You make mention of finding the old you or the new you. Funny, which one do YOU want? Psst…ya may not want the old one back. Just sayin….
Faith – how much do you love you wife? Do you love her enough to hand over everything to her? Do you love her enough to sit tight and work on you? Ya know your going to have to ask yourself what is more important…money or the woman that you love. I am not saying that you cannot have both. Nope – you just may be able to …..but first ya need to decide what is more important to YOU.
As you think about this…assuming you do….here is a few more words for you…
Pride – Have ya ever thought about it….We fuc*ing men make so many damn decisions based on itt. Our macho fuc*ing pride can sometime cause us to do things that LATER we regret.
Commitment – What does this really mean to YOU.
I leave you with this….
Many come here claiming to sooooo love their wives, yet they give up so soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can always justify our actions. We can always come up with our own rationalization. It’s not that hard really. Ya know whats harder? Owning our roles in the failure of our M and being able to work on those about ourselves that we can see ONLY when we strip away some of the things that can hinder long, loving, healthy relationships….things like pride.
Faith – I think you are right about working on You and finding YOU. Instead of focusing on YOUR W and the finances…maybe you can sit back and take this time to DETERMINE WHO YOU WANT TO BE.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Had the pleasure of meeting J3B for coffee. Thank you J3B for your honesty and integrity. It leaves me no wonder about how you used this site to better you and how you have succeeded. You have NO idea how inspiring you were to me today. I am grateful.
W called me a couple times while enjoying coffee, first call she was a little aggressive with me. Diffused it. Second call a little more friendly, but was the most positive conversation we have had in awhile( I had a witness). Cracked me up when she asked where I was and what I was doing. Something is working, regardless of the outcome. Doesn't mean anything other than I'm doing something different and it's creating curiosity in the squirrel. No sudden movements, but if I need to get up and walk away and it spooks the squirrel, the squirrel will just have to get use to it.
Thanks to CD for our convo last night and J3B today, I've found new direction and have not had a good day like today in awhile. I'm absolutely clear on how to proceed and look forward to rebuilding me.
Just wanted to post something positive for a change.
I like your squirrel analogy. But are you the Grizzly Bear?
You're in the same town as J3B? I've been there a couple of times, along with seeing a large portion of the coastal parts of Alaska. My first time there was crazy night - I broke a guys nasal septum in a fight and then lost my virginity to a foul mouthed 26 year old Inuit girl with a good amount of missing teeth.
I've tried to convince my air force nephew and his wife that Elmondorf would be a great base to be stationed at.
