So sorry about your niece. As far as your H goes, you are not his secretary. And tell him where to put his heads up. It is not your job to run interference between he and his children, nor to patch up the relationship that he destroyed.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Thanks Lin for the advice. I'm not going to contact him, you are right. It is up to him to contact her and for me not to get in the middle.
I did tell her he loves her very much, and is just sick right now and she said "How long is he going to be like this? It's almost 2yrs. Mom" I just said didn't know how long but that I know he loves her with his whole heart.
My S from my first M is also upset and has been for a long time. H raised him since he was 4 and the only contact was a card from H for S's birthday last Oct. and I had to ask H if he was going to acknowledge S or not. I didn't want to see my S hurt again. His father has nothing to do with him and H has raised him and acts now like he doesn't exist. Both of my children have the same birthday so there is NO way for H to forget or anything.
It seems with their birthdays coming up again, I'm more nervous thinking he won't acknowledge my S. H's family claimed they loved my S and so on but after we were married things changed and they treated him like an outsider and that's when H went and told them off. But now that he has made up with his mother he is acting just like them. But God bless my S. He said "Mom, H is like a little boy in a man's body. I think he will get better and come back home."
Your daughter might be old enough for you to share some of the MLC information from here...especially the "script" they all seem to follow in some way, also the strange behavior...the abandonment, etc...
I know with my kids and myself, it helped to see that my H wasn't the only man in the world doing this (not that I wished this on my worst enemy, mind you)...it helped my middle daughter the most, she was closest to him, she also played the hardest with him. She refused to speak to him period, about anything, until he had fully redeemed himself in all ways with everyone, including God!...I was certain their relationship would be ruined forever but you would never know that now to see the two of them working on a project together or watching their favorite tv shows together...
I would give you H a heads up..."You chose to move out and do what you are doing so it is up to you to keep in touch or not with the goings on of this family. If you want to know it if is 'safe' for you to visit then maybe you should call first!"
I would also tell him the same thing that I would tell your daughter..."your children love you, they are very hurt and I don't want to be put in the middle...I will support them as a mother but I can't be their father, that is your job and I won't take that away nor will I dive in to fix something that I "think" needs fixing because it isn't my relationship...I will work on my own relationship with the kids and would not expect or want for you to run interference for me in that so I will give you the same respect!"...P.S. You are on your own in this one buddy!
My condolences to you and your family…I so sorry to hear about your niece.
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Later he texts me to "fyi" me about it and that in the future he wants a "heads us" when things are going wrong around the house
Please tell me you did not respond to this. Please IB….okay make that pretty please.
F him. You are not there to make it all better for him. Coddle him and tell him that everything is going to be okay if he comes out of his MLC cave. No – he did this – not you. Be the mom you are to your kids BUT it is not YOU job to fix the R between your H and the kids.
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Today has been an AWFUL day.
BUT tomorrow is another DAY. Also, IB….do you realize that YOU control when the day is awful.
So IB…let’s hear about the weekend plans….I vote sky diving…YOU?
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So sorry to hear about your niece Irish. Tough stuff. I know. (((hugs)))
PEI
PS ... it's not my thread so it's not my call ... but I find it kind of confusing to be reading advice to both Irish and Goodfight on Irish's thread ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
