Discussion of the LBS cycles

[handlingplanb]

TG - I think I feel stuck because I am still grieving all that I've lost. I still feel that all of THIS is wrong - and I still want another chance. I don't want to WANT this anymore. I want to be as DONE and detached as my H is.

I do have poor self esteem, despite knowing all that I should be celebrating in myself.

My H turned to another woman after sharing a life for 26 years, 20 years of marriage, building a life and business together and bringing 3 beautiful, perfect children into the world. I'm faced with believing that he found his "soulmate" in another - someone worth walking away from what we built together OR to believe what he has told me - that the OW is not in the picture and that because of "who he is" he cannot return to our marriage after having an affair.

Either scenario leaves me feeling pretty worthless. The man I've loved for most of my life (and despite it all I still do,a person who promised to love me forever doesn't want me anymore.

I know what my faults are. I know where I went wrong in the M. I've made changes - first for him, but now I know they are for me. I know the A is all on him. I know his choice not to return to the M is on him.....but, I can't stop believing that if I was a better person - or had done the work I needed to do sooner he would return to me......or....I was good enough for 26 years.......why not now?