Update....OK, this is going to be embarassing and I'm really not wanting to "go there" , but...
At the reception Sunday night I got some attention from someone and it really, really surprised me. My H and S went home early to do homework and I stayed because my sister was there and friends and family from out of town.
And the "handyman"--yeah--the one my stepmother is in love with. And apparently, I guess, he likes me. But it could be my truck.lol. He is always telling me how much he likes my truck.
Wow--I just had no idea and I guess I don't know what to think and I need him to fix some stuff here still REGARDLESS. But he told me things, and he kissed me. I let it happen I guess.
So....I called him this a.m. and told him, look--I need you to help me with this house until you move next month (they are all going to North Carolina) and he wanted to come over today, but I said no--tomorrow or Thurs or Friday. And I will be alone with him. And I AM going to not freak out and do anything crazy. I have a broken stove, the lights are out in the barn, the baseboards in the bathroom need to be put on, the screen door needs to be fixed, etc. And he has been my friend! I need him to be THAT!!
My head for many other reasons is spinning. H just brought his lawyer another $2000. We have spent already 12000 in L fees. I was sick about this yesterday!!
And the fact that I have pretty much cheated on my H. I have PRIDED myself on having been able to look him dead in the eye and tell him I haven't cheated on him....
Ummm, your H has filed for divorce and someone shows some interest in you and kisses you. I don't think that qualifies as cheating.
So your H is still set on seeing this through? I wonder how he would feel if he knew someone was expressing interest. I am not saying to play games, I am just wondering how he would take that. Is he really done?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
And the "handyman"--yeah--the one my stepmother is in love with. And apparently, I guess, he likes me.
is this the same guy mentioned a few posts back who's married?
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But he told me things, and he kissed me. I let it happen I guess.
what did he tell you? why did you let that happen?
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My head for many other reasons is spinning. H just brought his lawyer another $2000. We have spent already 12000 in L fees. I was sick about this yesterday!!
you can brain dump here. people spend ridiculous amounts of $ on legal fees. 12k is not much .. i've heard of people spending 10x more.
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And the fact that I have pretty much cheated on my H. I have PRIDED myself on having been able to look him dead in the eye and tell him I haven't cheated on him....
i understand how you feel. i met someone for coffee but i don't consider it 'cheating'. no physical contact .. other than a "hi, nice to meet you" obligatory handshake. difference with me is .. the guy wasn't physically attractive so nothing was going to happen. yes, i'm shallow.
why did you do it? what made you put your pride aside?
My LL is words--and I literally have heard how selfish, self-centered, uncaring, blah, blah, blah and WORSE for the last year and even before that. I can't remember the last time my H told me he loved me. Or anything nice.
So out of the blue--a conversation about how nuts my H is, then how beautiful I am, then if he had a woman like me...etc. And he has seen me in a setting where I never cared what I looked like, never bothered to dress differently, and he has NEVER been inappropriate...
I was never attracted to him!
I just sat there like a sponge and sucked it all in. I was fascinated and mesmorized!!! And he litterally became attractive to me in those moments. I have never experienced anything like that!
Gotta run, he's here. No gory details because NOTHING is going to happen.lol.
Journalling: The "handyman" came over yesterday. He said all the right things of course--more than all the right things. I couldn't let go of his hands...
I asked him if he was crazy. I asked him if he was impulsive normally. I asked him so many things, but in the end, what do you believe? From someone that you've known a few years but really only a few days??
He fixed my stove, the lights in the barn, and will come over and finish the baseboards. He said he would be there if I needed him. I must have said over and over "how did this happen?" I asked him if I had ever behaved inappropriately? He said "Never."
He was sweet, he was kind, he was complimentary. He was a friend. He didn't ask anything from me, and I told him I am NOT available right now. He said if there was any chance for him, he would wait. I told them of course, there may be a chance.
And that was that--he left and if he was gone tomorrow I would just think "weird" and nothing more.
that's like a teaser from one of those harlequin novels.
is it hot in here?
y'know .. i understand how you felt at that moment. except the smooth talker turned out looking like larry joe campbell from 'according to jim'. and that killed everything for me.
So you kept things above board which is good. I know it feels great to hear kind things from someone. Why do I keep thinking your step-mom would be so Po'ed if the two of you end up together?? LOL
Anyway back to now. No being with a married man but you know that and said it. Are you and your H really done? Even then until you work this all out for you, I wouldn't get too close to fire if you know what I mean. I also wouldn't let the possibility of someone new/old in your life cloud your vision. You are working within the walls of marriage, period.
big hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
i agree with kat. i think you have a good head on your shoulders. you know what the right thing to do is. until the large lady sings, we don't go there.
