What we are all trying to do is get you to a better place.
Right now you got the "I feel like a piece of sh!t cause my W is having an affair" look on your face.
What is your intent here?
What is your goal?
To get your W back?
If she came back right now what would be different other than you would feel better about yourself.
Consider something. Your W had an affair. No excuses for it.
But as they say ... a symptom of the problem. Not THE problem.
THE problem was your M. And my friend YOU are part of the problem.
So
I agree with these wise folks here. Don't talk to your W right now because you are not in the frame of mind to do it right now.
Call it a boundary. Call it a tactic. Call it a 180. But have a goal.
You lost who you are. Cause you're not the guy who just got kicked in the cowboys.
You got to get to the man you want to be. You don't need your W back to do that. You don't need tactics of communications.
If YOU want to be Cary Grant-then get a nice clean haircut and don a stylish suit.
If you want to be Cane from Kung Fu-shave your head and walk the earth.
If you want to be Wally Gator-put a big alligator smile on a get on some skis and ski through the swamp.
If you aren't these things but you pretend to be
if you talk to her with tactics and being someone you aren't...
She will sniff you out like a drug dog on a Cheech and Chong movie set.
None of those things has anything to do with your W. So f@ck her right now. I don't mean that in a mean spiteful way. I mean she doesn't matter right now.
YOU do.
If you can't talk to your W without
Anger Spite Snarkyness Or just plain being someone you don't want to be or aspire to be
Then best not to talk to her until you can.
So back to my question...
What is your intent here? What is your goal?
Tactics are tactics. You want to change your situation or your life?
Stop making it about your W and get busy on you man.
Figure out what you want and do it. Get the faith back in yourself.
My intent...
Financially protect myself and delay Sept 30th divorce, until we have a full financial agreement.
Go workout
Stop smoking
Get "ME" back or at least a NEW "Me"
Control my fear.
My original goal was to get W back, but realize I need to get me back first.
