...I'm going to tweak my advice above, just a little, maybe you need a LOT of cake eating added to your diet.
My logic on this is... a little for you will actually be very little, you will be hesitant because you are so used to serving your wife, trying to win her back, trying to be super nice, kiss way too much a$$ (and not sexually either) trying to buy gifts, dinners, vacations, everything - you name it, trying to change everything to gain her approval and regain her affection (which hasn't worked at all, you have to admit that) that you haven't spent a lot of time focusing on you and being "selfish" for a while.
Yes I said be selfish.
You're looking for the happy medium in your life, where you are really comfortable with who you are that you don't care if your wife accepts you or not, you just care if you accept who you are and how your life is, you don't want to be a "nice guy" all your life but you don't want to be an a$$hole either but for you since you've held yourself back all this time literally hanging on to crumbs and feeling content just to get a whiff of a fart she passes in your general direction.
I think you need to go in the opposite direction for a little while, you've been at the extreme left side of this equation forever, now you need to swing over to the far right for a while and be all about you and stop worrying about your wife and winning her back and trying to come up with some way for her love you again. You will literally end up giving yourself a heart attack or some other life threatening medical issue if you keep doing what you're doing.
Some people may read this and get shocked or pissed off or angry or think I'm trying to turn you into some caveman a$$hole but I'm not, I think for you just based on the fact that you've been at this for what seems like forever (you were here several years ago doing the same thing remember), you need to spread those wings all the way and experience life on that bleeding edge.
Once you've experienced both ends of this spectrum, you will know what your happy medium resting place will be. A little counter intuitive but I think it fits for you. Go out with that woman tomorrow, have a great time and make sure you enjoy yourself and don't worry about impressing her, just go out and enjoy YOURSELF.
