You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

I just have to interject that, for me, the divorce did not grant me an immediate release of all negative emotions. I have heard a lot of people on these boards say that they can't wait for the D process to be over so that they can be 'free' from the pain, grief, etc. In my case, that didn't happen. Maybe it just means I was too attached, who knows?

I'm really curious as to how I'll feel that day.

The book "I Do Again" that I read last year, the husband who didn't want the D didn't show up to the final court appearance. The wife, who wanted it did. After, she went to her bank to get a certified check for the settlement and went to the husband's office. She didn't know what to say, so she smiled and said "Wow, can you believe we are divorced?"

He looked at her and said. "Not until this very moment."

I've read a lot of threads and some powered through that day without a problem. Others had a really tough time of it. And there were lots of in between.

I know it won't be as bad as my first Saturday out of the house. That was awful. My girls stayed with me Friday night. I took them to what had been my home for 11 years and then went back to the empty house I was staying at ... with absolutely nothing to do.

I broke down completely.

I finally called a friend and said "let's go golfing" just so I'd have something to do for a few hours.

That was the worst day of my life. Worse even than the day my mom died -- because STBXW was there for me then. This time, I had the feeling of utter rejection and defeat and thought I'd feel that way for the rest of my life.