I know most of you were the ones left behind and I have nothing but love for you guys. But I know for me, this is not an easy decision. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever faced. No amount of hostility, no amount of anger, no amount of abuse is worth the pain I feel like I'm bringing to my kids.
He has gotten better with them now that they are older. I still see some things that disturb me between the kids and my H, but I know I can't change it. As long as it's not physically harmful to them and I don't see any truly emotional damage, I have to accept that for them he's not bad.
That said, I feel like I should keep fighting. I just need to keep at this...maybe I can find the love in me. Maybe I just haven't looked hard enough.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
