I haven't figured out how to use the quote function on this forum yet, but would like to respond to SpinFree's question
"Is there a way that you can show him what you find sexy?"
Right now I feel so broken that I don't find anything sexy. I feel defensive and anxious. When I work up the courage and self confidence to try to do something sexy, I am accutely aware that it is not enough to satisfy my H and so it does not end up being a confidence building experience. I really need to be able to learn how to touch and be touched again, and to feel relaxed and pleasant, I need to be able to build my self esteem and confidence, but ultimately I move too slow for him. He is not interested in taking small steps for me and then relieving himself, I think he is afraid that if he allows that then we will never go back to actually having sex. Because he is so concerned about having his wants/needs taken care of, it pretty much defeats my efforts to take care of what I need. I don't want him to feel rejected, but I also don't want to feel like I am just a piece of flesh that he uses to make himself feel good.
