I have to wonder, instead of worrying about being done or standing...
What if we were to just live?
For a while. Just live. With yourself.
For today, I am not worried about my marriage at all...honestly.
and.........I am just being me and my life is no longer "on hold",
However....I do find myself "cycling" through these feelings.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
I guess the question is the cycling a movement through the stages, or part of the movement through the stages, or is it separate from the LBS journey?
Cadet, I think you captured part of my ponderings right here.
I guess as much as we can identify what stage the MLCer is in, I find myself wondering where I am. I wonder just b/c in my journey I have become much more "aware" or "in-tune" with my feelings and I am trying to process them as they come down the pipe at me.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
You must be able to ID the LBS stage that you are in.
I believe that the LBS leads the MLC'er through the journey and you lets say are in self growth or foregiveness.
I think Cadet was trying to ask are you cycling from one stage to another lets say backwards to resentment. Or are you cycling within the stage itself, trying to get to the next level?
Maybe Mach or Cat would care to comment where they think they are in the stages?
I think the question of what stage are we in, is a valid question.
Do we need to answer that to move forward, or to help us find a way to move forward? Maybe.
Cat while I would agree that we do need to "Just live, With yourself" I would think that this is also one of the stages.
You must be able to ID the LBS stage that you are in.
I believe that the LBS leads the MLC'er through the journey and you lets say are in self growth or foregiveness.
I think Cadet was trying to ask are you cycling from one stage to another lets say backwards to resentment. Or are you cycling within the stage itself, trying to get to the next level?
Maybe Mach or Cat would care to comment where they think they are in the stages?
I think the question of what stage are we in, is a valid question.
Do we need to answer that to move forward, or to help us find a way to move forward? Maybe.
Cat while I would agree that we do need to "Just live, With yourself" I would think that this is also one of the stages.
And not the last one.
Why such the strong urge to place a label, stage or a name to this?? It's almost like you are expecting this to all be so clear cut and dry. Maybe it's easier for some deal with this if they view it as such, but I'm here to tell you it's not this "structured, patterned, your going to go through these steps and be completely over it" type of thing.
And I disagree that one must know what "stage" they are in. I can almost guarantee you are not where you think you are in all of this.
We are grieving, and while we are expiriencing similar pain and whacked out behavior from our spouse, or ex's we all are different and we all are facing a little different hurdles in life.
Cycling is completely normal within this process, it's how we deal with this and how we heal from it.
You are setting yourself up for a big let down by placing so much effort and energy as to "where" you are in all of this. Not to mention wasting time and energy.
First of all, I do not agree that we pull the MLCer through the tunnel. Uh Uh, no way. That's theirs. Can we affect it in a negative way, maybe. But I dont pretend to give myself that much power, nor do I want it.
For those of you who know me, you know how I feel about labels and buzz words and stages - dont like 'em.
No one person, be it LBS or MLCer goes through this in the same way. We all bring different dynamics, situations, personalities to it.
So to expect to figure out what stage anyone is in is not a good thing in my opinion.
For a lot of reasons. Mainly, I think, it keeps you stuck. If we are worrying about whether we are in a particular stage or at a particular part in all this, we are setting ourselves up for expectations that might not be met and worrying about getting to the next stage.
I think we must just let it all unfold. I truly believe it will happen as it should.
We must go on this journey in our own time and in our own way.
MHL, you are going to feel what you feel when you feel it. And thats ok. You need to in order to get to the other side.
There will be days when you are sad, angry, indifferent or all three.
The trick is to embrace the feelings, feel them, let them wash over you and then take another step forward.
There is not one path, no one way to do this.
The only thing that is necessary is the willingness to look inside, to be honest with yourself and to pray that you can come to a place of peace.
Yes, we do have a affect on their time in the time in the tunnel....More so in a negative way.
I've been here a long time. I've read the lighthouse story many times, and I understand how important it is as a way of life for the LBS.....but please help me understand how we "affect their time in the tunnel." This is not something I've read before.....and want to understand the thinking.
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
For today, I am not worried about my marriage at all...honestly.
and.........I am just being me and my life is no longer "on hold",
However....I do find myself "cycling" through these feelings.
I can relate to this right here. IMO it's the way we process, grieve and grow.
If we could tell what stage we were in and what stage they were in, if it where all clear, how much would we truly grow?
I mean, if we knew, we mostly likely would have any fear of the unknown then right? We would really have to face certain things throughout this if it was all easily labled and plain to see.
"Where am I"? "where are they"? "what exactly do you call this"? Is a natural thing to want to do.
If one were to have to have the answers to these questions or claim to.... would you say they were accepting and letting go? OR Would you say that they are still searching for something that is not really under their control?
