Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I know where your coming from Puppy. You guys have been in this since day 1. But I really think that he's about to turn a corner. Feeling alone is this sitch is awful. He's confused and let's be honest... He's young too (as is his wife)...

Just hate to see anyone go through this alone!

And that would be the "encouragement" part, SBH. There's no sense offering concrete advice, however, when it's repeatedly rejected. People are going to spend their precious time posting advice to those who are going to take it and apply it.

Puppy

[pookie69]

It's fighting a battle you may never win. That's a hard reality to accept.

You are fighting with a wrong battle plans and with wrong weapons.

You have been told how to do it, but you choose your own way - that's the hard reality.

You are not listening to your Generals. You took a knife to a gun fight.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I know this is pretty weak, but I was watching Dr. Phil today about how some people had PTSD from a car accident where 8 other people died but they lived.

One father was there talking about how one day he woke up a 40 year old man who was a father and provider, and the next he woke up as a little baby who couldn't do anything that required his wife to take care of him since he had a broken neck. His son was there with him during the accident and he said that he was happy that the injuries were sustained to him and not his son. It was like after the accident he "woke up" from the everyday.

I think alot of LBS are like that. I know I am. Suddenly post-bomb I'm all about being a good father and husband. I'm trying my hardest to be the best man I can be for me, my son and my family. I have a new outlook on life and the importance of a family to me.

But like this guy in the acccident, I suffer from a "PTSD" episode every now and then. The bomb hurt. It gives me nightmares. No matter how much I "woke up" from this mundane existance from the bomb, it still haunts me to this day the things that happened before and during it. It makes me nervous, anxious, and scared that something like that might happen again. So, I try harder to make sure it won't happen again. The thing is - the WAS doesn't want you to try to make sure it won't happen again. They're already done. You're fighting a losing battle.

And that hurts. That you know what it is that lead you up to this accident and you want to change it all so it never happens again... but your WAS will none of it. They don't care anymore. You do. You realize you love your family and don't want to give it up because during the bomb - that's what happened. You were forced for a moment to give up something you really loved.

I'm convinced that the bomb isn't a bad thing. It's just a painful explosion that was meant to be. Had you done all the right things to do to avoid it beforehand, it wouldn't have been needed. But, it was. The bomb was needed - and it still haunts you as the LBS.

Yeah, it happened. You can't change that. But it is so hard for some (myself included) to want to change all the reasons it did happen. It's fighting a battle you may never win. That's a hard reality to accept.

OK, I get all that, I really do, John. So which part of that, exactly, prevents you from, say, separating your bank accounts? Or getting a parenting agreement in place?

It's all just so much DRAMA. At some point, you have to put the drama behind you, and roll up your sleeves and (hat tip to my friends over the MLC forum): "do the work." For some people, that takes 24-72 hours. Others take a few weeks, or even a couple of months. But at SOME POINT, you have to APPLY it all, John, and stop operating on your EMOTIONS.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's fighting a battle you may never win. That's a hard reality to accept.

You are fighting with a wrong battle plans and with wrong weapons.

You have been told how to do it, but you choose your own way - that's the hard reality.

You are not listening to your Generals. You took a knife to a gun fight.

1/2


Puppy

[Steve McQueen]

your banker sounds queer.

whys he checking into your credit and causing problems between you and your wife? for a promised round of golf? sounds like a breach of security and confidentiality. your parent's bank there too?

sound's really creepy.

[john28]

My W has asked for the bankers name. She wants to go there and calmly tell him that what he did was wrong. At first I told her no, and that I wouldn't do it because she would get him fired or worse. She said she would not do that.

What are your thoughts on giving her his name?

[futureunknown]

You already told her no. What else is there to say? Life will somehow manage to go on if she doesn't go down there and give that guy a piece of her mind.

[PMA_Baby!]

What does this have to do with your 3 short-term goals?

1. Get custody agreement in writing and court approved.
2. Seperate bank accounts
3. No contact unless relating to son's safety/health

[hurtinhartford]

John,

I would not give out the guys name. Why drag him into your sitch.

[pookie69]

The cast of characters is growing.

Now the bankers are part of the drama.