Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

I know this is pretty weak, but I was watching Dr. Phil today about how some people had PTSD from a car accident where 8 other people died but they lived.

One father was there talking about how one day he woke up a 40 year old man who was a father and provider, and the next he woke up as a little baby who couldn't do anything that required his wife to take care of him since he had a broken neck. His son was there with him during the accident and he said that he was happy that the injuries were sustained to him and not his son. It was like after the accident he "woke up" from the everyday.

I think alot of LBS are like that. I know I am. Suddenly post-bomb I'm all about being a good father and husband. I'm trying my hardest to be the best man I can be for me, my son and my family. I have a new outlook on life and the importance of a family to me.

But like this guy in the acccident, I suffer from a "PTSD" episode every now and then. The bomb hurt. It gives me nightmares. No matter how much I "woke up" from this mundane existance from the bomb, it still haunts me to this day the things that happened before and during it. It makes me nervous, anxious, and scared that something like that might happen again. So, I try harder to make sure it won't happen again. The thing is - the WAS doesn't want you to try to make sure it won't happen again. They're already done. You're fighting a losing battle.

And that hurts. That you know what it is that lead you up to this accident and you want to change it all so it never happens again... but your WAS will none of it. They don't care anymore. You do. You realize you love your family and don't want to give it up because during the bomb - that's what happened. You were forced for a moment to give up something you really loved.

I'm convinced that the bomb isn't a bad thing. It's just a painful explosion that was meant to be. Had you done all the right things to do to avoid it beforehand, it wouldn't have been needed. But, it was. The bomb was needed - and it still haunts you as the LBS.

Yeah, it happened. You can't change that. But it is so hard for some (myself included) to want to change all the reasons it did happen. It's fighting a battle you may never win. That's a hard reality to accept.