We told the kids. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I will just leave it at that.
As far as me filing, I haven't. The day I was supposed to go to my L, this past Tues., I got a call from work. One of the guys I work with has a 13 yo daughter with kidney failure. She is on dialysis at home and has had her ups and downs. She is adopted but her mom is a high enough % of a match to do a transplant. Anyway, that morning, I was called into work early. My co-worker, "John", wasn't going to be here. The night before, his D blood pressure got very high and she had a mild stroke. She is in the hospital as is the whole family. They were supposed to do the transplant next Fri., so we have some people off on vacation knowing that John would be out for a while.
So, I didn't file. On Wed., W and her dad went to see her L. It seems that she has really convinced her mom and especially her dad to help her out. She didn't file. She went to see what her options are. The same thing I did a couple of times. BTW, I got this info from my BIL who says he has told her and his parents that this is not the way to handle things. Oh, well. She can lie to them as well as she can to me. She has not told me herself that she went. I don't care. I told her months ago that she needed a L of her own. It seems she has one and that her dad is paying for it. Good for her.
I have to find the time to go file myself. I've already procrastinated too long and I'm sure she can see or feel my reluctance. I can't help but wonder why she didn't file. I know it probably doesn't mean anything.
Before we told the kids, I reiterated to her that I agree it's over and we couldn't get past the things that had happened. She tried to say that I was still blaming it all on her and I said that wasn't true, I had admitted to my mistakes and faults and I won't go there anymore. She said, "What, and I haven't? I can't apologize for something I didn't do." I said that was fine, I understand. Let's call the kids in.
She still won't leave. She wants to do this trading nights away from the house so the kids can stay in one place. I told her I didn't think that was a good idea. She said she couldn't afford to go anywhere. I said that wasn't my problem. She said it should be because of the kids. I said the kids have a home, they have their own room, toys, books, etc. So does she but she has made the choice not to stay. That's the last thing I told her.
It feels so close sometimes. Then it slips away.
I still would like to know the pros and cons of being the one to file first. I really don't want to make this easy on her at all. She's the one who wants it, let her do all the heavy lifting. On the other hand, enough is enough. OM is out of the picture as far as I can tell, but her attitude hasn't changed at all.
Fear is still holding me back. I think I'm holding my ground other than not filing.
