She said she won't let me control her like I did in the past. I just listened. Nothing I could say at that point would have made any difference.
You listened but do you understand? If you could only "see" then you would have agreed with her. That would make a impact.
Have you looked up Martin Seligman yet?
Coach is 100% right here.
My W told me during the bomb that she is feeling like trapped prisoner. That I am controlling the R and not respecting her will to leave. That she cannot win. All of the same stuff.
It wasn't until I told her that I agree with everything she says and I will let her go, the things started to change.
But the words were not enough. I had to be honest with myself and follow it up with real actions. I stopped all pursuing and walked in the shadows.
I have not moved out of the house yet and I don't know exactly where I am right now but W seems to be happy with herself and that is all good.
