Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Coach, honest to goodness, I have tried so hard to do the work. I do see her side, I truly do. I don't agree with it because she wants a D but I understand her reasons. Her reasons are not so different from many other marriages that have trouble. I know I've said it a million times but I don't think they are reasons to D.

In our conversation this past Tuesday she told me again that she doesn't trust me and she's angry with me for the financial mess. She said that the house situation is my fault and that I should take care of it and sort of said that's why she doesn't feel she needs to help so much. She wants me to handle it. Ok, I heard her loud and clear so I'm taking care of it. Right now our house is close to foreclosure. I am working my tail off to prevent this. We also have a buyer who might make an offer early next week which is cutting it very close with the foreclosure. I am working with the court, my bank, the bank's attorneys, etc. to stop this foreclosure. I cannot tell you how stressful this time is right now. I know she's stressed too. I know she's angry. Because of all of this I got angry yesterday when I received her lawyer's letter.

Right now, when things are so incredibly stressful, my W has her L send this letter now. Unbelievable. I'll be honest, it hurt. It hurt because I'm trying so hard to fix this house mess and she goes and does this, now. I asked her how she can possibly think clearly about us when we have all this stress right now with the house. I think if we could sell this house and have that stress gone then she could let go of some of the anger. Right now it's all coming down at the same time. Not good.

In addition to her telling me she doesn't trust me and she's angry she also told me that I hurt her and she won't let me hurt her again. I thought that was very significant for her to say. I felt like that was progress that she shared some true feelings. Hurt, anger and trust are the reasons she doesn't want to try. These reasons can be worked on but she keeps saying it's too late. Last night I asked her what she's afraid of by going to counseling. She said she's not afraid of anything anymore. She said she won't let me control her like I did in the past. I just listened. Nothing I could say at that point would have made any difference.

I honestly felt like I was letting her go for the past month but she didn't seem to care. On Tuesday she told me that during the two years after the company closed she wanted me to "man-up" and take care of things. I told her that I'm manning up now. I told her that even after I discovered that she was on the dating website that I still am taking care of the house responsibilities and sale. I said it would have been very easy to say that we needed a new agent for the house but I decided to do the right thing and continue with the house. Today I'm still making calls to save our home from foreclousre even after that damn letter and our ugly conversation last night. I'm not even sure how to go about contacting her now with the updates about the house/foreclosure. What a mess.