Yes I know it was a long post, but needed to get it out. As for my mistake at the beginning, I was younger and dumber that's all I can say. Still have regret. I take alot of punishment because I do love her and want us to be a WHOLE family for the kids. I don't intend to discuss R anymore. I've decided to let her initiate conversations, planning to be nice, brief, and try to appear happy. Trying to GAL, but hard with 4 kids. She has been Inviting me to all outing with kids, to the park, zoo, anything, she wants to go as a family, usually on days she has all of them... I know she gets stressed out with them all. I love spending every moment with the kids and love feeling like a family, but it's too painful after it's over because I still love her and want our family badly. It's also a bit upsetting to see her act as if I don't matter, it's like she enjoys being wanted by me and feel a sense of control over me. She recently said no more sex, think she feels used or guilty. But should I say no to ALL affection even if she initiates?
