That is a terrific book! Everything he said about the feelings, etc. are so true......so true!
While reading those 31 reasons, I kept thinking, "If only I had read that book before I turned stupid". But at the time I was going through my crisis and found myself in the middle of an EA, I don't know if my brain would have overcome my emotions or not. It still baffles me. I look back and it's as if I had thrown away any sense I ever had. I can also look back and see so many things that led me to that place where one would have thought I was completely blind to what I was doing.
Of course, I blamed my H for the breakdown in our M, but as this book states...having an A is not the fault of our Spouse, no matter how much we may try to justify our actions.
Yes, I wished that I had read that book in time. But if I had read it when my EA first started, or at the peak of the A....I think I would have hated reading the truth so much that I might have thrown it away. I did not want to hear what my mother tried to tell me....and I SURE did not listen to my H. It was like everything was falling on my deaf ears.
The longer I live the more I realize how important "timing" is. I do believe that reading this book could have helped me to get to the place of being "willing to be willing" sooner than I did.
I hope that lots of people will read both these links and learn these truths. Thanks for sharing it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2, would you have read it if your H gave it to you? I'd like my WAW to read it but don't know how to "give" it to her and get her to read it....
Real short on time this morning, but I will get back to your thread later. For now, I'd say that it's not the right timing to try and give things for her to read. I would not have looked at anything, knowing my H was trying to "control" me.
It was when I made the decision to end the EA that I might have read it then, but IDK. I was so bitter about my M, H, circumstances. When a WAW's heart is closed...to H and filled with the A, it is very difficult for her to read any material b/c she will reject it's views.
But, I'll get back with you later, okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
