It's been a bout a month, and overall things are going good. I think we have both pulled away slightly as the initial rush of being together again is wearing off.
We still see each other or so times a week. She usually comes over one night during the week and we make dinner and watch a movie and take the dog for a walk, then we spend weekends together.
Tomorrow afternoon were leaving for a weekend camping trip just her and I.
Weve had to have some pretty uncomfortable conversations, and one in particular after a night at the bar got pretty heated, but all of them have ENDED positively, so I'm glad about that.
First story...
Like I said we went out to a bar and had a few too many. It was a fun night of talking a joking and hanging out until somehow, and I dont even remember how, we got on the subject of the separation, and what we did during them.
It got heated. It didn't get angry though... It just got heavy.
She started crying in the bar so I asked her if she wanted to go outside for a smoke. We went outside. I asked her if she wanted to be my wife again, and she said "yes, and started crying.
Then I started crying.
Then we went back to her apartment and went to sleep.
Story #2...
I did have a "melty-man" moment the other day, and basically told my wife I needed verbal reassurance from her because I was afraid she was just going to up and leave again.
Here was how it went...
Me: I just need to know that you aren't gonna just up and leave the next time you meet a guy you like." Wife: You're asking me to predict the future. I cant do that." Me: Thats a "maybe I will" then, and thats not reassuring at all. Wife: Look, I'm not leaving you, I'm not going anywhere. You are not a "fill in" in any way."
I then pulled a total sissy move and asked her if she was seeing anyone else. She got a little offended and asked why I would even ask her that after the last month, and I know where she is and what shes doing at all times.
This is true, and I accepted this for now.
I want to point out right here that I have major trust issues, and I am putting a lot of blind faith in her that she is being honest with me. So far, from what I can see (and I'm looking) she is telling the truth.
She then went on to explain how sometimes when I come at her with that she feels cornered.
I told her I did not mean to do that.
She said she understood, and she will make sure to give me little reassurances, and if I need to, I should remind her.
She then asked me to be "patient" with her. She said she is enjoying every second we are together now, but I am so different that she is frightened by me.
That kinda threw me.
She then said she is struggling with how hard it is going to be to reconnect with my friends and family, most of them talked bad about her behind her back and deserted her when she left.
She says she gives herself pep talks in her apartment about having to face people again.
I told her I would be there with her, by her side, holding her hand the whole time.
She said "We both knew this was gonna be a hard road, but I love you, and it is what it is."
I said ok.
She ended up coming over that night, and she asked me again why I would even ask her if she was seeing someone else right now. I said I felt like I just had to, so I did.
Gotta say, my inital reaction to her asking me about it again was "Why... Should I be asking?"
But, I assume these are the LBS's natural reactions in a situation like mine.
Right now, officially, we are back together, and we have had short talks about putting out rings back and moving back in together, but not anytime soon.
I think were both a little overwhelmed by this, but overall very happy about it. We're just kinda enjoying each other and getting to know each other again, and I gotta say, its been kinda nice.
