Has she actually told you WHY she doesn't find you attractive physically? Many times they are just reflecting their own insecurities onto the spouse.
Have you talked to her concerning transparency with the OM?
We talked about that last night. I think it was a good conversation because we started getting to the roots and causes of her feelings toward me. Some of them I don't agree with but I at least understand them. I'm hoping that through understanding we can find healing. As I said, I'm a very logical person...sometimes to a fault.
First thing that came up is that she hasn't forgiven me for losing control. I said and did some very nasty things some of them true, most of them not. I was a monster, I know. It only happened a few months ago and she's having a difficult time with it. She said that she never imagined in her worst nightmares that I could turn into that guy and now that's all she sees when she looks at me. How do I get her to let go of this?
The second thing was a bit more difficult for me to wrap my head around, but I sense sincerity in her words. She said that she was angry with me or that she resented me because I was present during the worst times of her life (when she lost her father in a car accident and battled depression for several years) and she associated me with those bad feelings. She said that I reminded her of those times that she desperately wants to forget. How do I get through to her that I was a good force during those times? How do I get her to stop associating me with those times and to start connecting me with her getting through them?
There's alot of anger in my wife's heart. She's angry at alot of things. She's angry that her career has stalled. She's angry that my career is off the rails. She's angry that we're struggling financially. She's angry because she's getting older and she feels she hasn't done anything with her life. She's chosen to focus all that anger at me, I suppose because I'm the only thing she can lash out at. What do I do about this?
