You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[smith18]

Bravo Drew!

[mishka422]

That was a great link Kerry. IEP's are SO important for special needs children. My son's diagnosis came a few years later than it should have because I, frankly, wasn't pushy enough in IEP meetings and requests for adjustments to IEP's. They started out diagnosing him as ADHD when he was 7, reassesed when he was 10 to include OCD. Then, we opted to put him in a self-contained class for 5th grade which he excelled in. That kind of rigidly structured but equally loving environment is what he needed at the time. It also helped me to see that further assesment was needed because of the way behaviors were manifesting themselves. In 6th grade he regressed so dramatically that we nearly had to put him in a private school for special needs children. Finally, they assessed him further and found him to be PDD-NOS with ADHD...not OCD. He got even more services while keeping him in regular classes and taking him off the OCD medications which significantly improved his behavior (bad reaction we had no idea he was having!). At long last, in 7th grade, he was put through yet another battery of testing and the county school psychologist along with our private psychiatrist and Marc's pediatrician. The conclusion after ALL of this......he has Aspberger's with underlying ADHD.

He still takes ADHD medication (without it he has major meltdowns) and he has social skills and study skills classes and modified schedules. We also extended him to a 5 year high school plan so he isn't overwhelmed.

Why am I telling you all of this? One simple reason. Don't be too quick to accept a diagnosis or to allow the 'experts' to make decisions about what is best for your child. You are the only expert where she is concerned and you are her only advocate. Be there. Speak up. No matter what you have decided about STBXW, you owe it to your daughter to be sure that everything possible is being done. Frankly, there is no such thing as and IEP that does not involve some decisions being made even if they are only for a trial basis.

[soleil]

Then I would respectfully submit that you should change your signature to "if you meet the devil, avoid him ...."

[antlers]

Antlers,

Then I would respectfully submit that you should change your signature to "if you meet the devil, avoid him ...."

You drew that conclusion based upon one response to a man that's in the midst of just about the most awful thing one can experience in life?

[antlers]

Antlers,
Effective co-parenting cannot be done without some face to face interaction, particularly when it comes to parent/teacher conferences.

And there'll probably be a time in the future that he won't have a problem with it. Right now, he does. And that's OK.

[ClingingToHope]

Where to start.

I've not missed an IEP meeting in three years. One thing I've noticed is that the teachers have NEVER read the IEP reports from the prior years. I've asked around and that is common. The whole process seems to start from scratch.

I'm not avoiding this IEP meeting. I can't make be there on that day. I'm working one of the three jobs and need the money. IEP meetings aren't like parent-teacher conferences. Something like six different people have to be there so rescheduling is a nightmare. I'm not going to force anyone to reschedule. The important IEP meeting will be towards the end of the year when it's time to decide where D8 will go to school next year.

I have not had any troubles with D8 on homework this year. All of the missed assignments for both D8 and D11 have come on STBXW's nights. I've actually never worked better with them.

I don't plan on avoiding STBXW forever, but I don't particularly want to see her right now. The D isn't done because of a lack of action on her part. She still has my grandmother's wedding and engagement ring, which worries me, and the fact I'm working all the time while waiting for the D to finish and get the settlement doesn't leave me in a very good mood when I see her.

I really hope a lot of those feelings lessen when the process is over.

What I'm working on now is what is a workable relationship for me. STBXW thinks we should co-exist like old high school buddies, where she can call anytime or stop over or ask me to do this or that for her.

She wants all of the advantages of being married except she wants the house to herself and to go out and do whatever she wants whenever she wants.

Mishka, I hear what you are saying, but again this meeting is really to go over what the process is this year. Last year, there were lots of aides, but they were let go for budget reasons and extra special ed teachers were hired.

Hannah has made tremendous progress on her issues. She's no longer taking any medicine. She's connecting with kids in the class. She has only had one incident where she had to leave the classroom this year. She's almost to the point where she doesn't need to be on an IEP.

[Drew]

You drew that conclusion based upon one response to a man that's in the midst of just about the most awful thing one can experience in life?

Yes. From someone who's been through the same.

There's life on the other side.

[Drew]

CTH,

Thank you for explaining. I understand much better where your head is at now.

As I told my XW, don't confuse boundaries with anger.

Hang in there. It WILL get better. No matter what.

Strength and honor.

[soleil]

I don't plan on avoiding STBXW forever, but I don't particularly want to see her right now.

And there is nothing wrong with that, IMO. If you don't have to see her, then don't.

I really hope a lot of those feelings lessen when the process is over.

I think once the D is over, you wil feel better. It's the waiting for it to come to an end that can be so annoying. A "limbo" of sorts.

Glad to hear your daughter is doing better

[whatisis]

I guess there's a difference between "avoiding" her and choosing not to see her. What if you chose not to see her, how would that be a bad thing? What would she have to do, short of reconciling, to make you want to see more of her?