Ok, Sunny. I'm going to say this one more time then I'm shutting up. Read Relationship Rescue. It will help you sort out the things you want to know and help you change the dynamic in your relationship. You need to change the way YOU are in your marriage in order for him to respond differently. RR will help you find what you really want out of a M and how to interact with your H to start seeing some results.
Limbo is not comfortable and we naturally want to get out of it, but sometimes it serves a purpose. I challenge you to stay put for a time period that you can determine. I gave myself six months at a time. That helped me be at peace with my M and time to see if I was getting the results I wanted. If at anytime, my H had crossed my boundries then I could re-evaluate sooner. Needless to say, this is all an internal exercise not anything that you share with him.
Lastly, as others have said, you need to get to the place where you are making changes for YOU and ONLY YOU. If he responds, great. If he doesn't, you will have learned something valuable for your next relationship. Do not do anything out of a desire for him to thank, validate, appreciate, etc. He's not capable right now. Do it because you recognize that what you are currently doing is not working and you need to do something different. He will eventually respond. Like the massage out of the blue. That him saying what you want to hear right now. Just don't press him for it.
When I said before to thank him for little things, I meant subtley drop in a conversation "oh thanks for picking up those clothes off the floor, I really had my hands full." Then let it go. Do not send anymore emails thanking him. That is pursuit. A casual quick thanks for something specific is not.
Alright, that's all for my speech. You've made so much progres. I really want to hear that you are one of the successes.
